Proof Global Warming Is A Hoax

Scientists at the University of East Anglia’s Climate Research Unit have confessed to willfully destroying the data on which they base their claims for global warming. In an obvious attempt to cover up the hoax they have perpetrated about climate change, and to keep honest and non-political climate change nay-sayers from the proof that there is no such thing as human-caused climate change, the CRU threw the data away to save room when they moved to new offices.

“It’s not just that we’re stupid – we’re guilty of a cover-up that keeps real scientists who are conservatives and have investments in high-carbon-output industries from proving we’re also liars” the head of CRU, Professor Phil Jones, admitted. “Obviously there is not nor has there ever been such a thing as global climate change, and we just like to scare people and jack-up our grant requests based on fear and paranoia.”

Enquiring planets want to know....

The loss of the CRU data obviously invalidates the hundreds of other independent studies and scientific efforts around the world, proving that all are part of the vast left-wing conspiracy in the scientific community to make people believe that unchecked pollution of the environment may be having some kind of “effect” on climate.

For years those who oppose the idea of human-induced climate change have made the obvious argument that if pollution were bad for the environment, there would have been some sign of it in the past. They also argue that cleaning the carbon out of the atmosphere would ruin the “view of the sunset” postcard industry by taking the nice chemical red color out of the sky. “Billions of people depend on those rosy sunsets for their livelihood, and because of some specious theory these eggheads want to take the food out of those people’s mouths! DEATH TO THE SCIENTISTS!” one pro-pollution spokesperson said.

Hillary Clinton Had A Crush On Fabian

Do not feel discouraged if you don’t know who Fabian is/was. Actually, don’t feel bad if you have no idea who Hillary Clinton is – although that may indicate you should change the channel now and then.

Anyway, Ms. Clinton was taking questions from young women in the Philipines when asked if she had ever had a crush on anyone other than Bill Clinton. Unfortunately for the United States of America and the State Department, Secretary of State Clinton answered the question – at length. She revealed the incredibly embarrassing fact she was once president of a Fabian fan club.

During the Nixon administration during the 1970s the same question was posed to Secretary of State Henry Kissinger. Kissinger replied “What the fuck kind of dumbass question is that to ask the Secretary of State of the United States of America?”

And then Kissinger admitted to a longtime crush on silent screen star Zazu Pitts: “She gives me major wood” Kissinger said.

More Hard-Hitting Exposes From Fox News

Featured on today’s FoxNews.com front page, fair and balanced coverage of more tits and ass then you can shake a…uh, stick at.

Of course what would a Monday be without Fox’s regular “Maxim Monday” feature, where the latest social issues are analysed:

You should see her opinion on taxes!

You should see her opinion on taxes!

 

And of course Fox always has the most knowledgable experts to help you understand difficult legislation and policy questions:

And her nipples agree!

And her nipples agree!

Possibility Of Neanderthal/Homo Sapiens Sex?

This Fox News story asks the question: Did Neanderthals and Homo Sapiens do the nasty? Our question would be: And did they take pictures? And why did we survive and Neanderthals die-out? Was it because they had inadequate health care?

Does Neanderthal/Homo Sapiens inter-breeding explain political conservatism? There are so many questions that only continued research can answer.

Early Republicans realize they may have made a mistake

Early Republicans realize they may have made a mistake

Iran Says “No Thanks” To Uranium Deal

Iran’s government turned down a United Nations proposal to enrich its uranium in Europe, to ensure the material is not used to make weapons. The plan was to ship all of Iran’s nearly two tons of uranium to several facilities in Europe, where it would likely get lost in the mail, and since Iran is notorious for not buying insurance on its packages, that would end any chance of Iran making nuclear weapons.

“The insurance is never needed!” Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said from Tehran. “Why increase the shipping cost for that? Besides, our uranium isn’t going anywhere. We can enrich it here – we have all the vitamin B we need.”

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad emphasizes a point. Not seen in the phot is his companion Mini Mahmoud.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad emphasizes a point. Not seen in the photo is his companion Mini Mahmoud.

 

Duke Dildo Disaster

Apparently holding dildo parties is considered research at Duke University. As at the Tupperware parties their moms used to hold, female Duke students were invited to gather and peruse sex toys so researchers could gauge if handling large plastic penises in any way affected their feelings about sex. The director of the Duke Catholic Center objected, probably on the grounds that you don’t get any new catholics if you use a rubber wang. Researchers countered the complaint by noting the “study” was peer-reviewed before starting - although we have to wonder exactly whose peers did the reviewing.