Whale Sharks Hook-Up Off The Coast Of Mexico

Scientists suspect the reason is an abundance of the tiny creatures these huge fish feed on.

Whale sharks eat only tiny sea creatures like shrimp and plankton - they would never touch a dead terrorist.

DMA: Meredith Atwell Baker

About four months ago the Federal Communications Commission approved the purchase of NBC Universal by Comcast, a deal that furthers Comcast’s goal of becoming the largest media monopoly on the planet. Notice the number of names there: Comcast NBC Universal – used to be just three major players in the media (themselves the product of older mergers), now consolidated into one.

The merger will give Comcast control of all of NBC’s broadcast and cable business, making Comcast one of, if not the largest provider of both cable access and programming. Industry analysts predict this will lead to less choice and higher prices for consumers, while making Comcast yet another of America’s “Too Big To Fail” corporations with too much influence over too large a percentage of the economy.

Now for the fun part. One of the five FCC commissioners who allowed this mega-merger to happen was Meredith Attwell Baker. Baker has recently announced she is leaving her position at the FCC – to take a new post as the head of lobbying for…get ready for it…NBC Universal! That’s right. She went to work for NBC, now owned by Comcast – meaning she now works for Comcast.

We’d like to believe this came about because Comcast and Baker are truly honest and above-board folks, and this job offer was not on the table when Baker was deciding the fate of American media and the consumers who are dependent on it. We’d also like to believe that chickens shit gold, and all we all need to do to get rich is buy some chickens. The deal is, if chickens really did shit gold they would cost a fortune, and so we would actually just end-up paying more for them and making nothing. Just like we’re going to end-up paying more to Comcast, except from them we’ll just get the same old shit, or worse shit because they don’t have to compete for our business.

Any way you look at it, it’s a bunch of shit. And that’s why Meredith Attwell Baker is being honored with GraceLessLand’s DOUCHEBAG of the MONTH AWARD.

This is the face of big business. This is the face of American politics. This is the face of unscrupulous money-grubbing corporate management. This is the face of a lobbyist. This is the face of evil.

Trump Says He Won’t Run In 2012

Millionaire mogul and reality television star Donald Trump stunned almost no one when he announced he is not running for the Republican presidential nomination in 2012. The well-known self-aggrandizing blowhard said his heart just wasn’t in it. This comes only two days after Mike Huckabee announced he would not run, also due to heart problems.

Trump made headlines and cable news appearances as he badgered President Barack Obama into releasing his “long form” birth certificate, and then questioned the President’s intelligence and qualifications to attend Harvard. When these annoying ploys finally started to hurt Trump’s TV ratings (his integrity was never in question – he has none) he backed-down from his attacks on Obama, and has now admitted he isn’t in any way, by any stretch of the imagination, a serious candidate for the presidency.

Which didn’t keep right-wing Republicans and Libertarians from supporting him. But then, their sense of reality is almost as “real” as Trump’s TV show.

Trump's hair and clothing were disappointed by his decision not to run.

Gingrich Doesn’t Want To Be Judged By His Past

GOP presidential contender Newt Gingrich says he should be judged on the present and not the past. This is probably because his past involves so many corrupt financial dealings and unethical business deals, and trophy-wife trade-ins, plus the hypocrisy of criticizing Bill Clinton for having an affair with an intern, while Gingrich himself was having an affair with a congressional staff member, and later claiming it was due to his passionate love for his country that he cheated on his wife and made himself a public political jerk-wad.

Newt Gingrich today: hoping you won't have the brains to realize what a corrupt lying weasel he is.

Newt Gingrich in school: No one can say he didn't live up to expectations.

Huckabee Says He Won’t Run

Fox News personality Mike Huckabee announced he will not seek the 2012 presidential candidacy for the Republican Party. “All the factors say go, but my heart says no,” Huckabee, who was considered the GOP frontrunner in several Fox News polls, said on his Fox News Channel show. His heart problems probably include taking-on GOP poster-boy Newt Gingrich, President Obama’s popularity since killing Osama bin Laden, and the usual ephemeral life-span of snowballs in Hell.

Mike Huckabee explains the difficulty of running for President of the United States if you haven't killed the most wanted terrorist on Earth.

Ron Paul immediately announced he will run for the third losing time.

Ron Paul apparently has fewer heart problems, and is slightly less intelligent.

From The Diary Of Osama bin Laden #2

May 1, 2011

Dear Diary,

My wives keep nagging me to take them out. “We never go anywhere!” they whine, and needle me with “What happened to the fun-loving Jihadi we married?” I keep telling them we can’t leave the compound – we’re in hiding for Allah’s sake! Of course I would love to make a night of it in Islamabad, just to have a good meal – I mean the only pizza place that delivers here is Domino’s! Their crust sucks!

Oh! There is the door bell! Maybe it’s the courier with some new porn!

From The Diary Of Osama bin Laden #1

April 28 2011

Dear Diary,

Why have they not voted Kirstie Alley off of “Dancing With The Stars”? I have camels that are more graceful! It’s a conspiracy – they are rigging the voting because her weight loss is good PR! This is just the kind of thing that makes me wish death to America!

Microsoft Buys Skype

Microsoft Corporation bought Skype, it’s Web-based chat system, it’s employees, and its 660 million users for $8.5 billion. The purchase seems to have been an impulse buy, as Microsoft has not yet announced how they plan to screw the company up and ruin its user experience by integrating it into products like Internet Explorer and Messenger.

Microsoft's Steve Ballmer welcomes Skype CEO Tony Bates to his new position.

News About Jodie Foster’s “Beaver”

Well, according to the reviews no one likes Jodie Foster’s “Beaver”. In fact most critics seem to think Jodie Foster’s “Beaver” stinks. When Jodie Foster’s “Beaver” opened no one went in to see it. It seems a lot of people just thought Jodie Foster’s “Beaver” was too “deep” and some thought it went on too long and needed to have something trimmed. Maybe the problem with Jodie Foster’s “Beaver” is Mel Gibson is in it.

Cheney Thinks Ending Torture Is A Mistake

Ex-Vice President Dick “Dick” Cheney says “I am still concerned about the fact that, I think a lot of the techniques that we had used to keep the country safe for more than seven years are no longer available. That they’ve been sort of taken off the table, if you will.” Cheney said he’ll miss weekends at the Guantanamo prison camp where “I spent many enjoyable hours electrocuting Muslim genitalia. There’s just nothing quite like that sizzle of terrorist scrotum!”

Ex-Vice President Cheney bemoans the end of "enhanced" interrogation methods.

Clips You Should Have Heard In Quake 3 Team Arena

Lately I have rediscovered Quake 3 Team Arena – a classic, straightforward shooter, perhaps the best of all time. Even against the ‘bots you can tweak up a good game on certain maps. However, in the interest of complete honesty, there are some voice clips you should hear the “Announcer Voice” say:

  • “Prepare your team (for an ass-kicking)”
  • “At no time will the enemy team not have your flag”
  • “Gimp” (when you pick up the always useless “Ammo Regen” sigil, except at the sniper towers on “Overdose”)
  • “Darwin” (when you slip and fall into the Mist of Fatal Death because you’re a Scout and have no brakes)
  • “Your team has jack-and-squat”
  • “Jack-and-squat returned”
  • “Denied like the silly-assed poser you are” (when another player gets a pick-up just before you do)
  • “The enemy team has your flag, your ass, and your nuts in a vice”
  • “Mostly-invisibility” (when you get the invisibility-except-for-the-flag pick-up)
  • “Whiner” (when you pick up the big pink “W” sigil)
  • “Your team are a bunch of idiots who can’t tell when the flag is two feet from the base”
  • “Quad Self-Damage” (when you pick up the Quad on “Stronghold Return”)
  • “Suicidal” (instead of “Scout” when you pick up the green “S” sigil)
  • “Why bother?” (when you pick up the Nail Gun)
  • “Loser” (when another player gets an “Excellent” at your expense)
  • “Retard” (when another player frags you twice in under two seconds)
  • “Your ‘bots are all stuck in a corner dry-humping each other”
  • “Pussy Mode” (when you add ‘bots to your team and set them all at “Nightmare” skill)
  • “Holy Shit You Suck” (when you are fragged two feet away from capturing the enemy flag)