It’s hard to believe it has only been a year since we posted this item about the then-current primary elections – and it turned-out to be nothing more than an exercise in democracy and comedy.
Residents of storm-battered Long Island, many of whom have been without electrical power for weeks, received bills from the Long Island Power Authority charging the full monthly rate.
“I can’t get LIPA to acknowledge my existence on earth to talk to me about anything, but I guess they had power, so they could print my bills. Nice, right?” grumbled one resident.
America’s leading economic indicator, housing foreclosures, are down in 62% of U.S. cities. The lack of foreclosures is expected to cause widespread unemployment in the mortgage industry and negatively impact banking profits. “Good numbers are bad numbers in the foreclosure markets” said one mortgage insider. “This could trigger a trend in good numbers such as rising employment and production rates, signaling a much healthier economy and horrible decline in homelessness. U.S. banks have been counting on continued rampant foreclosures to support their bottom line – we are invested in a high-foreclosure future!”
Former General Electric CEO Jack Welch has resigned from his post with Fortune magazine after criticism of his accusation the Obama administration faked a jobs report.
Welch famously wrote “Unbelievable jobs numbers..these Chicago guys will do anything..can’t debate so change numbers” to his Twitter account after the government released its September employment report. The report showed that unemployment fell from 8.1% to 7.8% for the month.
Welch resigned as a contributing editor at Fortune after being criticized for the tweet by the magazine’s managing editor.
This just in: Daimler Benz has patented cars with four wheels, Greece has patented democracy, Germany has patented war crimes, dinosaurs have patented bones, Steve Jobs has patented death, the Republican Party has patented ignorance, and Bill Clinton has patented sexual harassment.
A combination of refining and transportation problems in the Midwest and on the West Coast have driven gas prices up just in time for the November elections, the same way they always do when an incumbent Democrat is running for re-election to the Presidency.
Markets crashed Tuesday when Apple Inc. posted “only” $8.8 billion in net income for its fiscal third quarter, a measly $9.32 per share.
“It looks like the end for Apple and for Western Civilization” one analyst said. “I own tons of Apple stock and I just built eight Swiss Chalets for myself in Arizona – now it looks like I’ll have to sell one or two of them. I don’t think I can stand the loss!”
Stock traders were leaping from first floor windows on Wall Street, and banks said they would certainly require another bailout due to Apple’s non-record-setting quarter.
Towns, cities, even entire counties are going bankrupt across the U.S. after being fleeced in the latest Wall Street financial scam. Municipalities are going to court alleging fraud and collusion between banks and investment firms such as JP Morgan Chase, UBS, and Barclays to inflate fees and rig bids to handle public finances.
The municipalities (and some hospitals and colleges as well) were sold variable-rate bond packages tied to the LIBOR rate and to the Sifma municipal bond index. Through a financial device called a “LIBOR Swap” the financial institutions claimed the bonds were guaranteed not to cost the municipalities more interest if the variable rates increased. However, the historically linked LIBOR/Sifma indices diverged, mainly due to financial institutions colluding to fix the LIBOR rate at a low value even as Sifma increased.
The lower the LIBOR rate the more the banks and Wall Street financiers profited – and they fixed the numbers to make sure they profited far more than the market would have allowed. So the municipalities’ interest payment savings were more than wiped-out through management fees.
Good thing we bailed these companies out back when their own greed ruined them, just so they could come back and help themselves to more sucking off of the taxpayer tit.
A report issued by the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee reveals that Countrywide Financial used special loan practices to bribe members of Congress and other government officials. The Committee started its investigation in 2009, and revealed that “sweetheart” loans were extended to thousands of people, including lawmakers and former executive branch officials. thousands of Countrywide employees, as well as employees of Congress, the White House, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac and other government entities.
Oil industry organizations like the Oil Price Information Service are reporting the price of benchmark West Texas Intermediate Crude has fallen to the lowest level since last October at $78.20 per barrel. Prices are expected to continue to drop to a level that will bring gas down to below $3 per gallon “by Halloween, and certainly by Thanksgiving,” says Tom Kloza of OPIS.
This is good news for consumers, and even better news for President Barack Obama’s presidential campaign. Prices of over $5 per gallon had been predicted due to Middle East “tensions” and refinery problems. Apparently the market feels those problems are over, and Obama will claim some of the credit for that due to his policies in the Middle East, even though the entire region is essentially a powder keg of unrest and revolution and new “tensions” could cause oil prices to rise at any moment.
LeRoy Neiman will always be remembered as the “Olympics artist”, and the only painter most “readers” of Playboy know by name as well as by sight. Neiman’s bright canvases often appeared as if the paints were unmixed and applied straight from the tube, because they were.
Beef Products Inc., makers of ground beef products that use the filler known as “Pink Slime”, says its “lean finely textured beef” or LFTB is perfectly safe and nutritious. The federal government has plans to buy 7 million pounds of ground beef that includes “Pink Slime”.
“Including LFTB in the national school lunch program’s beef products accomplishes three important goals on behalf of 32 million kids,” BPI spokesman Rich Jochum said. “It 1) improves the nutritional profile, 2) increases the safety of the products and 3) makes us a buttload of money because the stuff in Pink Slime is essentially garbage.”
“Pink Slime” is made from fat and waste trimmings – where salmonella and E. Coli concentrations are highest – and saves as much as three cents per pound of processed ground beef.
“And we’re passing that savings on to you, the consumer” Jochum said. “Sure if you actually saw or smelled this stuff you’d gag on your own vomit, but we’re talking three cents a pound!”