UN calls for moratorium on SMD (sauces of mass destruction). President Obama says he was unaware of the deadly condiment until he saw it on the news. Karl Rove calls revelation the biggest disaster in his lifetime. House GOP vows to investigate the administration’s involvement with sending cilantro to Mexico City.
As per our tradition here at GraceLessLand, we take April 1st off and enjoy everyone else’s lies and tomfoolery.
The cruise ship Carnival Triumph was towed to docks in Mobile, Alabama after a fire disabled it during a cruise in the Gulf of Mexico. Passengers and crew were without electricity, running water, or working toilets for several days. People were reduced to defecating into baggies.
“It was horrible. Horrible,” said passenger Janie Esparza. “The bathroom facilities were horrible and we could not flush toilets. No electricity and our rooms were in total darkness. Honestly, think that this ship should have ever sailed out.” When asked if she would ever take another cruise Esparza shook her head. “No way! Our travel agent feels really bad about this, though, and has agreed to send us on another vacation – I have the tickets right here…um, where’s ‘Syria’?”
This WordPress incarnation of GraceLessLand published its 1,000th post yesterday. And it seems like only about ten months ago it was 500.
I think the pace is going to slow here – perhaps to one post per day instead of two, or even three a week. There are many other things to be done other than making fun of other things….
A Florida man collapsed and died after winning a cockroach and worm eating contest. The Broward County sheriff’s office says 32-year-old Edward Archbold collapsed outside the Ben Siegel Reptile Store in Deerfield Beach, Florida, where the contest was held.
Authorities are awaiting autopsy results to learn the cause of Archbold’s death. “It was the damndest thing,” said one sheriff’s officer. “One minute the guy is fine and gulping-down cockroaches and worms, and the next he’s dead. It’s tough to figure.”
Now and then you just have to get down on your knees, raise your hands to the sky, and in your best Charlton Heston growl scream “DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!”
Authorities are investigating the death of an Oregon farmer who was apparently eaten by his own hogs. When the man did not return from the morning hog feeding, a family member went to look for him. All they found in the pig pen were his dentures, a few body parts, and some tight-lipped pigs.
“We’ve got our suspicions” said a police investigator assigned to the case. “One of the hogs was heard saying ‘it’s him or us!’ shortly before the incident.”
A challenge posed by Mind Bender on Google+ – here are all the ones I could think of:
“Something About Bacon”
“Meet The Bacon”
“Rambo: First Bacon”
“Babe: Bacon In the City”
“The Dark Bacon Rises”
“Monty Python’s Life Of Bacon”
“Never Say Bacon Again”
“From Russia With Bacon”
“Indiana Jones And The Bacon Of Doom”
“The Empire Strikes Bacon”
“Close Encounters Of The Bacon Kind”
“2001: A Bacon Odyssey”
“Oh Bacon Where Art Thou?”
“High Plains Bacon”
“Hard Day’s Bacon”
“Manhattan Bacon Mystery”
“Dead Bacon Walking”
“Around the Bacon In 80 Days”
“The Bacon Of The Roman Empire”
“Some Like It Bacon”
“Those Magnificent Men In Their Bacon Machines”
“Journey To The Center Of The Bacon”
“20,000 Leagues Under The Bacon”
“Bacon and The Tramp”
“The Sword In The Bacon”
“It’s A Bacon, Bacon, Bacon, Bacon World”
“Bacon Of The Antarctic”
“The Abominable Snow Bacon”
“Day The Bacon Stood Still”
“When Bacon Collides”
“Bacon And the Argonauts”
“The Lord Of The Rings: Fellowship Of The Bacon”
“The Lord Of The Rings: The Bacon Towers”
“The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The Bacon”
“How To Marry A Baconnaire”
“The Maltese Bacon”
“Chitty Chitty Bacon Bacon”
“Bye Bye Bacon”
“The Bacon Thief”
“Bacon Of A Nation”
“Bacon The Barbarian”
“Bacon Of The Magnificent Seven”
“Bring Me The Bacon Of Alfredo Garcia”
“A Streetcar Named Bacon”
“Teahouse Of The August Bacon”
At least one passenger was concerned when they saw a part of the wing missing on an Alaska Airlines flight, and the words “We know about this” scrawled beside the apparent damage. A spokesperson for the Seattle-based airline said there was no danger, and the note was drawn on the wing by ground crew personnel to let the flight crew know about an approved trim repair to the corner flap on the right wing.
Which leaves the only unanswered question: why is a company called “Alaska Airlines” based in a city in Washington State?
Did I forget to mention we were taking a week off? I did forget, didn’t I.
Uh – we took a week off. Regular stupidity starts again tomorrow.
The U.S. Department of Transportation is considering new guidelines that will allow service animals to accompany their owners on commercial flights. Under the new rules pigs, miniature horses, and monkeys will be allowed to travel in the passenger cabin.
The Royal Canadian Mounted Police have retrieved a memory card that may contain evidence in the death of a woman who fell from a hang glider. Lenami Godinez-Avila fell hundreds of feet to her death during a tandem hang-gliding flight with an instructor. William Jonathan Orders, 50, the hang gliding instructor who was arrested and charged with obstructing justice, apparently removed the memory card from an on-board video camera and swallowed it.