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GOP: No Illegal Aliens At Military Bases

BoehnerCamp

Capitol Logic

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(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

House GOP Wants To Nix First Lady’s School Lunch Program

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Speaking Of Apes

Madhouse

Boehner Backs Issa On Cutting Democrat’s Microphone

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Boehner Chooses Sides In GOP Ideology Split

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(Click the image to read the full story at WashingtonPost.com)

Senate Votes On ENDA

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(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

House GOP Decides Not To

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Narf!

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Boehner Surrenders On Raising Debt Ceiling

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(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

Obama To Boehner: No Negotiations

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Strategy Session

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Unwanted

Osama John Boehner

House Republicans Continue To Fight Obamacare

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They’ll Just Have To Keep Digging Until There’s No Dirt Left

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Meanwhile, At The U.S. Capitol Building

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Republican Congress Unsure How To Approach Debt Ceiling

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House Republicans Re-elect Boehner As Speaker

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Senate, House Pass Biden-McConnell Fiscal Cliff Deal

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The Senate and the House of Representatives have passed a landmark plan to avoid the dreaded “fiscal cliff” that loomed up with the new year. Brokered in the 11th hour by Vice President Joe Biden and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, the deal allows Bush-era tax cuts on those earning over $450k to expire, while putting-off spending cuts until later in 2013. The deal is widely seen as a huge win for President Barack Obama.

When it became apparent that any deal would involve raising taxes House Speaker John Boehner stepped back as if he were facing a snake and insisted that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid would have to take-up the negotiations. When it became apparent that any deal would include spending cuts Reid ran and hid like a frightened child.

That left McConnell, who is being sacrificed to the wrath of conservatives, and Biden, who really has nothing to lose at this point.

“My career is essentially over anyway” McConnell said. “After something like twenty terms in the Senate I was going to retire after this one, anyway – so I might as well take it in the neck so that chicken-shit Boehner can say he had nothing to do with this.”

Boehner’s “Plan B” Fails To Get House GOP Support

PlanB

House Speaker John Boehner’s “Plan B” proposal to avoid automatic spending cuts and tax increases failed to get enough support from Republicans in the U.S. House Of Representatives to even be brought to a vote. The plan would have cut spending on government programs while raising taxes on those with income exceeding $1 million. In other words it was Boehner’s “Plan A” with the letter “B” instead of the letter “A”.

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Zero Sum Game

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New Situation At The Fiscal Cliff

Boehner Blames Obama For Drought

House Speaker John Boehner apparently blames President Obama for the massive drought that has swept across the U.S. and wiped-out crops in most central states. TPM’s “Livewire” reports Boehner made a post to his office Website and made a statement in a Financial Times story that Obama “continues to blame anyone and everyone for the drought but himself”.

Why not? Supposedly the President of the U.S. directly controls gas prices and unemployment, so why not the weather, too?

 

Stranger Things Have Happened

Under the provisions of the 12th and 20th amendments to the Constitution, it is possible that Hillary Clinton could become President of the United States (acting) in 2012. The process would start with an electoral college vote tie between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. It is also possible that monkeys might fly out of my butt, and have even smaller monkeys flying out of theirs. Because the idea that John Boehner wouldn’t resign as Speaker of the House to become President, even temporarily, is pretty far-fetched.

House Republicans Renege On Debt Ceiling Deal

House Speaker John Boehner and congressional Republicans are attempting to avoid automatic defense budget cuts they agreed to by instead making those cuts to social programs. The automatic cuts were agreed to as a “poison pill” to motivate the failed “Super Congress” to arrive at a debt-cutting agreement. Now that the automatic cuts are about to kick-in, Boehner is trying to change the deal without the consent of Democrats.

GOP Unveils Voluntary Tax “Buffet Bill”

The new GOP “Buffet Bill” allows people to voluntarily pay more in taxes. To spread the word the government will hire Jerry Lewis because “he’s got experience in this sort of thing and we hear he’s available”.

To counter the Obama administration and billionaire Warren Buffet’s call for tax increases on people making more than $1 million annually, the GOP majority in the House of Representatives has announced a “Buffet Bill” of their own that will allow voluntary over-payments on taxes.

“If individuals like Warren Buffett or President Obama are inclined to donate their own personal money toward paying down the federal government’s debt, they ought to have that right to do so voluntarily,” said John Thune (R –  S. Dakota), author of the bill. “And if other rich people want to keep paying their money directly to members of congress, they should have that right as well.”

Obama Changes Date Of Jobs Speech To Congress

President Barack Obama explains why he changed the date of his address to Congress about jobs.

President Barack Obama changed the date of his address to the U.S. Congress on the subject of jobs from September 7 to September 8 after House Speaker John Boehner (R – Ohio) complained the date conflicted with a Republican presidential primary debate.

“The debate is being held at the Ronald Reagan Library in California” a White House spokesperson said. “The President didn’t want to come into conflict with the Republican’s religious traditions – he believes in the separation of church and state.”

Thousands of Republican pilgrims will make the journey to the Reagan Library, where after the debate they will take part in the ceremonial sacrifice of civil rights and the traditional burning of the U.S. Constitution for “national security reasons”.

Republicans Vote To Increase Debt To Historic Levels

By a solid majority the Republican House of Representatives voted to approve the latest debt ceiling increase, allowing the United States to borrow trillions more and go even deeper into debt than ever before in history. Fiscally responsible Democrats tried to defeat the bill but had no chance in the GOP-dominated House – and may have to pass the bill through the Senate even though they have a slim majority there, due to Republican threats of reprisals on future legislation.

So-called “Tea Party” Republicans were dancing in the streets around the country to celebrate their victory over liberals by passing legislation that may someday cut spending by some token amount while increasing debt almost infinitely, thus guaranteeing the advent of a fiscal apocalypse and bringing their ultra-rightist prophets predictions of economic doom to fulfillment.

Liberals all over the country were downcast as their attempts to inject some economic responsibility into government finances were swept away by the landslide GOP vote in the House. “It’s spend, spend, spend, baby!” House Speaker John Boehner announced as the final vote was tallied. “Cocaine and hookers for everyone!”

Speaker Boehner’s Security Increased

Due to the intense emotions stirred-up by the U.S. debt ceiling agreement security for House Speaker John Boehner has been increased by 33%.

President, Congressional Leaders Strike Debt Agreement

President Barack Obama explains the reasoning behind doing just about nothing.

President Barack Obama and House and Senate leaders announced today they have reached an agreement on the U.S. debt. The plan calls for increasing the nation’s debt ceiling to avoid default, and then convening some kind of congressional committee later sometime to do something about reducing the deficit, maybe.

The plan might reduce spending by a trillion dollars someday, and there might also be tax reform to increase revenues, although no one is sure.

The agreement does clear the way for both Republicans and Democrats to move forward with their election campaigns without the distraction of taking care of the nation’s business, and without being pinned-down to any real policy that might prove unpopular with one or the others’ constituencies.

So after weeks of fighting, arguing, whining, moaning, crying, threatening, and acting like spoiled children, the nation’s leaders have decided to go back to business as usual.

Go figure.