Gingrich Blames Secular Govt And Video Games For Gun Violence

GingrichTwinkies

Former presidential candidate and current cipher Newt Gingrich stopped drinking and got dressed long enough to make a statement on a morning radio talk show that the massacre of children in Newton, Connecticut, was caused by a combination of “anti-religious secular” government and violent video games, and not by the mentally disturbed perpetrator’s easy access to a semi-automatic rifle.

Actually the morning talk show was Gingrich’s second stop Wednesday morning, right after he went to the bank to deposit a hefty check from the National Rifle Association.

Palin And Gingrich Have Advice For Romney And Ryan

Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich both offered advice to the GOP ticket of Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan.

Palin told Romney and Ryan to “go rogue”, saying “America desperately needs to have a ‘come to Jesus’ moment in discussing our big dysfunctional, disconnected, and debt-ridden federal government.”

Newt Gingrich also had some choice words for the Republican candidate: “When he walks in to debate Obama, he’s got to be as tough with Obama as he was with me in Florida,” Gingrich said in an interview on CNN. “He has to do to Obama what he did to me!”

Piers Morgan elaborated: “You mean kick you to the curb and leave you for dead with your ass bleeding buckets of political pain?”

“Uhhh…yeah” Gingrich responded.

GOP Convention Nominates Romney And Ryan

Newt Gingrich was reportedly carried off the stage kicking and screaming.

Romney, Trump, Gingrich To Appear Together

GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney is scheduled to appear with Donald Trump and ex-rival Newt Gingrich in Las Vegas next week. Vegas bookmakers put the odds of eye-poking and multiple face slapping at only 2-1.

Gingrich “Suspends” Campaign The Same Way Death “Suspends” Life

Newt “I Could’a Been A Contender” Gingrich announced he is suspending his campaign for the GOP presidential nomination due to a severe case of no longer being able to ignore reality. Gingrich couldn’t quite bring himself to endorse Mitt Romney – he’s probably planning to withhold that plum until he can make a deal to be vice-president or secretary of state.

Gingrich To Announce He’s Quitting?

Unnamed sources within what's left of the Gingrich campaign indicate the horribly failed GOP also-ran will announce next week that he is quitting the race and will support Mitt Romney. GraceLessLand expects the weather report for Hell to be hella cold next week.

Gingrich Disses Fox News, Talks-Up CNN

Soon-to-be ex-presidential candidate Newt "Who Needs Me Now?" Gingrich said Fox News has been biased against him throughout his campaign, while "Callista and I both believe CNN is less biased than Fox this year".

Gingrich Think Tank Files For Bankruptcy

The Gingrich Group, a think tank founded by GOP presidential candidate Newt "We Don't Need No Stinkin' Delegates" Gingrich, filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy protection Wednesday in an Atlanta federal court. The organization apparently owes more thoughts than it has.

Gingrich Demonstrates His Insignificance In Three Primaries

Gingrich Calls Obama Comments On Trayvon Martin “Disgraceful”

GOP presidential also-ran Newt "I'll Ride this Torpedo To The End" Gingrich criticized President Obama's comments on the Trayvon Martin shooting case as "disgraceful" for alluding to race. Gingrich is of course an expert on being disgraced.

Gingrich Comes In A Sad And Sorry Last Place In Illinois

Once again Newt "I'm The President!" Gingrich was dealt a severe setback in his plan to become King of the Moon, as the state of Illinois said even Ron Paul is preferable as a short, old, insane presidential candidate.

More Southern Discomfort For Gingrich

Mississippi voters agreed with Alabamans that Rick Santorum might be just the kind of crazy needed to beat Barack Obama in November. However they managed to send a mixed message by giving Newt Gingrich a second place win just 2 percentage points behind. And Mitt Romney was right after Gingrich with just 1% less. Ron Paul gave one of his worst showings yet - a real boost toward that job he's eying on Fox News.

Gingrich Pounded Into Grits In South

Rick Santorum beat both Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich by a tidy 6% in the Alabama primary. Ron Paul happily brought up the rear, further securing himself a spot in the Fox News lineup as a losing presidential candidate.

Gingrich Flattened By Santorum And Romney In Kansas

Rick Santorum impressed voters in Kansas by actually showing up to campaign there, while his opponents worked for victories in the upcoming primaries in Alabama and Mississippi. Ron Paul made a short trip to Kansas to plead with people not to vote for him as he continues to angle for a show on Fox News.

Gingrich Caught Napping At Campaign Appearance

GOP presidential candidate Newt "Where's The Coffee?" Gingrich fell asleep on the dais at an appearance before the American-Israel Public Affairs Committee. Once awakened Gingrich indicated he was ready to take questions from the "panel" - but was informed there was no panel.

Gingrich Loses All But One State On Super Tuesday

Mitt Romney maintained his lead but did not get a mandate in the crucial "Super Tuesday" primaries in ten states. The only question is will Ron Paul now drop out of the race after failing to place first in any state? Of course even though he only won his home state of Georgia, and then not by that big a margin, Newt "Pry It From My Cold Dead Hands" Gingrich will feel justified in painfully drawing out his pathetic attempt to get attention.

Gingrich Loses Wyoming Caucu – Oh Who Gives A Shit!

That’s it – we’ve had it with these states with their jive pussy-assed caucuses! If you can’t have a real election like normal people then we’re not going to even talk about you, let alone put in the time to make a graphic for like 2,000 fucking voters!

Either move into the 21st century by moving into the 20th century and hold a damned election or just shut the Hell up!

Gingrich Loses Spectacularly In Arizona

Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum once again split the lead in the Arizona primary, but this time Romney had a much stronger finish. Newt Gingrich was a sad and pathetically distant third, and Ron Paul slipped back into the sub-ten percent range.

Gingrich Almost Non-existant In Michigan

Mitt Romney has regained his dominant position in the Republican primaries by winning in Michigan, but Rick Santorum made a strong showing in Romney's old home state. Ron Paul broke the 10 percent mark, while other candidates brought up the rear.

A Pledge

You hear them say it almost every day: “As President on day one I’ll repeal Obamacare” or “When I’m President I’ll cut Planned Parenthood’s funding on day one” or “On day one I’ll have Nancy Pelosi abducted and dumped in the ocean”.

But can they really do that stuff? Well, no, according to this article:

For all candidates, it is important to note that an executive order cannot overrule a law passed by the Senate and House and signed by a former president. Therefore, though a candidate may want to abolish the Affordable Care Act with the stroke of a pen, it would take a full-fledged bill to do that.

Gingrich Promises To Reduce Cost Of Gas

GOP presidential candidate Newt "I've Got All The Gas You Need" Gingrich, who has seen his once commanding lead in the polls slip away, says he has a plan to reduce the cost of gas in the U.S.

Candidates Out-Conservative Each Other At Arizona Debate

GOP candidates Ron Paul, Rick Santorum, Mitt Romney, and Newt "I Can Reach It!" Gingrich prepare to establish their conservative cred at what may be the last debate of the primaries.

Republicans Split On Romney And Santorum

According to recent polls Republican voters are divided along gender and economic lines between candidates Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum, while those who are either hopelessly evil or insane are divided over also-rans Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul.

Gingrich Demolished In Maine Caucuses

In the latest results from a state that doesn't have enough people to have real primary elections Mitt Romney and Ron Paul split the majority of whatever passes for votes in a caucus.

Gingrich Loses CPAC Straw Poll

Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney won the non-binding straw poll at the 2012 Conservative Political Action Conference. Romney was a moderate until recently when he discovered he needs to pretend to be a conservative to get the national Republican party behind him.

Gingrich Completely Blown-Away In Sidekick Tuesday Races

Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum won the latest round of the GOP primary crapshoot Tuesday, winning all three contests in Colorado, Minnesota, and non-binding Missouri. Mitt Romney, until now the Republican front-runner, came-in second, and sometimes third. Newt "This Can't Be Right" Gingrich has been relegated to bottom-feeder status, even losing to Ron Paul in Minnesota.

A Minor Correction

Sorry!

Gingrich Humiliated In Nevada Caucuses

Yeah - okay, obviously we just recycled the graphic from the Florida primary. At first that was going to be just because we didn't expect the placement of any of the candidates to change, so all we'd have to do is change the result totals. But then who would have thought Ron Paul wouldn't be in last place? So we had to do a bit more work on it, which sucked because of the hangover we have from the party celebrating our 500th post a few minutes ago.

Gingrich Blasts “Subway-Riding Elites”

GOP next-to-front-runner Newt "I Don't Need My Medication" Gingrich made an election appearance in Las Vegas, Nevada on Friday where he made reference to "elites" who live in "high-rises" and "ride the subway". Obviously this is a case of something that happened in Vegas that didn't stay in Vegas.

Economy Improves Everywhere Except Republican Rhetoric

U.S. jobless claims are down and hiring has increased over the past month, creating over a quarter of a million new jobs and lowering the jobless rate to 8.3%. This marks the fifth straight month of decline for the jobless rate due to private sector hiring. These gains are being seen in almost every state except the state of GOP Rhetoric, where there has been little or no economic improvement.

“Anemic growth is not growth. Okay, well, technically it is growth, but I prefer to use the term ‘negative worsening’”Newt Gingrich said in a written statement.

“Unfortunately, these numbers cannot hide the fact that President Obama’s policies have prevented a true economic recovery” Mitt Romney said. “And by ‘true’ I mean the kind where companies flounder so I can buy them for a song and then borrow money against them and then liquidate them so I don’t have to pay the money back.”

Rep. Michael Burgess, R-Texas, also said “This feels like a Charles Dickens novel. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” he said. “And this is the worst because Obama might come back up in the polls going into the election. As a Republican I feel it’s important for Americans to bite the bullet and suffer just a year or-so longer.”