Good Luck To The Santorum Family

While we have had a lot of fun at candidate Rick Santorum’s expense, that’s all part of the twisted politics and even more twisted sense of humor here at GraceLessLand. Good luck to Mr. Santorum, his entire family, and most especially his 3-year-old daughter Bella. A lot of candidates leave a race or an office with the lame excuse they want to “spend more time with the family”, but in this case that is the most noble reason possible. We look forward to skewering candidate Santorum again at some time in the future, and wish him and his family well.

Santorum Disputes Delegate Count

Rick Santorum's campaign is disputing the delegate count in the GOP presidential nomination race. Santorum's camp claims he has 342 delegates to rival Mitt Romney's 571. However CNN and other sources claim Santorum has only 273 to Romney's 657 delegates. Delegates to the party nominating convention are apportioned according to votes won in state primaries.

Santorum Disses Romney, Then Says He Would Be His V.P.

GOP second-place presidential candidate Rick Santorum compared his rival Mitt Romney to President Obama this weekend. Later Santorum indicated he would consider running as Romney's vice president.

Gingrich Comes In A Sad And Sorry Last Place In Illinois

Once again Newt "I'm The President!" Gingrich was dealt a severe setback in his plan to become King of the Moon, as the state of Illinois said even Ron Paul is preferable as a short, old, insane presidential candidate.

More Southern Discomfort For Gingrich

Mississippi voters agreed with Alabamans that Rick Santorum might be just the kind of crazy needed to beat Barack Obama in November. However they managed to send a mixed message by giving Newt Gingrich a second place win just 2 percentage points behind. And Mitt Romney was right after Gingrich with just 1% less. Ron Paul gave one of his worst showings yet - a real boost toward that job he's eying on Fox News.

Gingrich Pounded Into Grits In South

Rick Santorum beat both Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich by a tidy 6% in the Alabama primary. Ron Paul happily brought up the rear, further securing himself a spot in the Fox News lineup as a losing presidential candidate.

Gingrich Flattened By Santorum And Romney In Kansas

Rick Santorum impressed voters in Kansas by actually showing up to campaign there, while his opponents worked for victories in the upcoming primaries in Alabama and Mississippi. Ron Paul made a short trip to Kansas to plead with people not to vote for him as he continues to angle for a show on Fox News.

Gingrich Loses All But One State On Super Tuesday

Mitt Romney maintained his lead but did not get a mandate in the crucial "Super Tuesday" primaries in ten states. The only question is will Ron Paul now drop out of the race after failing to place first in any state? Of course even though he only won his home state of Georgia, and then not by that big a margin, Newt "Pry It From My Cold Dead Hands" Gingrich will feel justified in painfully drawing out his pathetic attempt to get attention.

Gingrich Loses Wyoming Caucu – Oh Who Gives A Shit!

That’s it – we’ve had it with these states with their jive pussy-assed caucuses! If you can’t have a real election like normal people then we’re not going to even talk about you, let alone put in the time to make a graphic for like 2,000 fucking voters!

Either move into the 21st century by moving into the 20th century and hold a damned election or just shut the Hell up!

Gingrich Loses Spectacularly In Arizona

Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum once again split the lead in the Arizona primary, but this time Romney had a much stronger finish. Newt Gingrich was a sad and pathetically distant third, and Ron Paul slipped back into the sub-ten percent range.

Gingrich Almost Non-existant In Michigan

Mitt Romney has regained his dominant position in the Republican primaries by winning in Michigan, but Rick Santorum made a strong showing in Romney's old home state. Ron Paul broke the 10 percent mark, while other candidates brought up the rear.

Santorum Says JFK Speech Makes Him Feel Like Vomiting

GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum says President John F. Kennedy's famous speech affirming his belief in the founding principle of the separation of church and state "makes me want to throw up".

Santorum Poll Lead Evaporates

The GOP candidates are once again realigning in the polls, as Rick Santorum sees his lead over rival Mitt Romney disappear since the last debate. Santorum may have made the worst mistake a politician can make: he may have inadvertently told the truth about his voting record.

A Pledge

You hear them say it almost every day: “As President on day one I’ll repeal Obamacare” or “When I’m President I’ll cut Planned Parenthood’s funding on day one” or “On day one I’ll have Nancy Pelosi abducted and dumped in the ocean”.

But can they really do that stuff? Well, no, according to this article:

For all candidates, it is important to note that an executive order cannot overrule a law passed by the Senate and House and signed by a former president. Therefore, though a candidate may want to abolish the Affordable Care Act with the stroke of a pen, it would take a full-fledged bill to do that.

Candidates Out-Conservative Each Other At Arizona Debate

GOP candidates Ron Paul, Rick Santorum, Mitt Romney, and Newt "I Can Reach It!" Gingrich prepare to establish their conservative cred at what may be the last debate of the primaries.

Santorum Paints Himself As Dangerous Lunatic – Rises In Polls

After a week of revealing just how much his Catholic beliefs inform his politics, and comparing President Obama to Hitler, and saying that science is worthless, GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum has risen to the top of the polls. Which tells you a lot about how desperate the average Republican voter has become with regards to the quality of the presidential field.

Santorum: Obama Believes In “Theology Different From That In The Bible”

GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum speaks in Columbus, Ohio where he said President Barack Obama is a threat to Christians.

Republicans Split On Romney And Santorum

According to recent polls Republican voters are divided along gender and economic lines between candidates Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum, while those who are either hopelessly evil or insane are divided over also-rans Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul.

Gingrich Demolished In Maine Caucuses

In the latest results from a state that doesn't have enough people to have real primary elections Mitt Romney and Ron Paul split the majority of whatever passes for votes in a caucus.

Santorum Expresses Concerns About Women In Combat

In an interview with CNN's John King, GOP candidate Rick Santorum expressed his opposition to allowing women to serve in combat, saying it "....may not be in the interest of the mission because of other types of emotions that are involved".

Gingrich Completely Blown-Away In Sidekick Tuesday Races

Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum won the latest round of the GOP primary crapshoot Tuesday, winning all three contests in Colorado, Minnesota, and non-binding Missouri. Mitt Romney, until now the Republican front-runner, came-in second, and sometimes third. Newt "This Can't Be Right" Gingrich has been relegated to bottom-feeder status, even losing to Ron Paul in Minnesota.

Gingrich Humiliated In Nevada Caucuses

Yeah - okay, obviously we just recycled the graphic from the Florida primary. At first that was going to be just because we didn't expect the placement of any of the candidates to change, so all we'd have to do is change the result totals. But then who would have thought Ron Paul wouldn't be in last place? So we had to do a bit more work on it, which sucked because of the hangover we have from the party celebrating our 500th post a few minutes ago.

Gingrich Loses Big In Florida

With 80% of Florida's voting precincts reporting GraceLessLand is projecting Newt Gingrich to lose the Florida Republican Primary to Mitt Romney a whopping 32% to 47%.

Official GOP megalomaniac Newt “Bow Before Me” Gingrich has suffered a tremendous blow to his ego and his campaign in the Florida Republican presidential primary. Mitt Romney crushed Gingrich by a 15% margin, making the already diminutive former Speaker of the House of Representatives of the United States of America several inches shorter and almost a foot larger in diameter.

“I won’t be making a concession speech” Gingrich told a crowd of several supporters. “Instead I’m going to pull a Gore and demand a recount. And I won’t forget this, Florida! You’re on my list – once I take my rightful place as President of the United States and Lord of the Moon, I’m going to ship the whole lot of you to Pluto to work in the ice mines!”

With 80% of Florida’s precincts reporting we predict Romney will win with at least 47% of the vote – and with 20% of precincts to go his percentage could go up and be even more humiliating for Gingrich, who only managed to garner 32% of Florida’s predominantly aged and infirm Republican voters, who are often confused when intending to vote for Romney and therefore accidentally vote for other candidates who aren’t Romney. For example 13% of them voted for Rick Santorum by mistake simply because their hands shake and they punch the wrong button, and Santorum comes after Romney in the alphabetical ballot listing.

Ron Paul took-in 7% of the vote, not coincidentally the exact percentage of Floridian voters who are drunks reeling about in the Florida Keys dressed like Earnest Hemingway and pining for the “good old days when we could get drunk and screw hookers cheap in Cuba”.

What Did We Learn From The CNN/Florida Debate?

Newt Gingrich was the main target Thursday night in Florida as the four remaining GOP presidential candidates engaed in the last debate before the Florida primary vote.

At least one of the gloves came off for each of the Republican candidates as they struggled to gain advantage over one another in the final GOP debate before the Florida primary on Tuesday.

NEWT GINGRICH: Managed to avoid talking about the lies he told America and John King when he said he had “witnesses” that approached ABC to rebut the interview his ex-wife did, in which she revealed what a callous ass-chaser he is. Wolf Blitzer wasn’t going anywhere near that stuff, although there was an uncomfortable moment when the candidates were asked why their wife would make a good first lady. It almost appeared as if Gingrich might say “which one?”

MITT ROMNEY: Is still handicapped by being embarrassingly rich. He did manage to deflect most of the blame for his wealth on the trustee of his “blind trust”. A blind trust is like a super PAC – there is no coordination between the candidate and the trustee/PAC manager, unless you count daily phone calls and deleted emails.

RICK SANTORUM: May have screwed-up when he let it slip he thinks global warming is a hoax. While he was careful to affirm his faith in God, he probably doesn’t want to alienate fence-sitting independents who don’t think science is an abomination.

RON PAUL: Managed to turn every question into a criticism of the Federal Reserve system. At this point you start to think even though he’s a doctor he may think the Fed causes cancer.

What Did We Learn From The Fox News/South Carolina Debate?

The five remaining GOP presidential candidates articulate their separate foreign policies at the Fox News debate in South Carolina Monday.

Here are some salient points picked up from the latest Republican debate presented by Fox News just prior to the South Carolina primary election:

MITT ROMNEY: Has gotten really good at answering the question about being a “vulture capitalist”. He can now make raping a punch-drunk company sound like making sweet, sweet love.

RICK PERRY: Has apparently changed his medication because several times during the debate he did an excellent impression of thinking quickly. Of course he wasn’t – someone in the audience was giving him hand signals.

RICK SANTORUM: Is getting his feisty on. A couple of times he led Mitt Romney right into the corner where he sucker punched him with embarrassingly moderate moments from Romney’s record.

NEWT GINGRICH: Has some kind of deal with Juan Williams that when the crowd is against Newt Juan will act like an angry black liberal and give Newt the opportunity to make a stirring speech about just how and why minorities are inferior. The crowd ended by giving him a standing ovation.

RON PAUL: Still hasn’t learned to keep from saying things Republicans don’t want to hear, like it may not only be illegal but morally wrong for the U.S. to simply go into other countries and assassinate people. Which brings us to the main thing we learned here….

Republicans love to kill! Killing people, especially foreigners in foreign countries, got the biggest standing ovation of the evening. Everyone except Ron Paul said loud and clear they think the United States has the right to go anywhere, any time, for any reason, and kill anyone we want. Romney as much as declared war on just about everyone, including citizens of the U.S. who are suspected of terrorist sympathies. So it was a good night for saber rattling and testicle shaking.