Former (as in “no longer”) Vice President Dick “Dick” Cheney said the Obama administration decision to investigate “enhanced interrogation techniques” is politically motivated. Speaking on Fox News Sunday, Cheney said the investigation is “a witch hunt, in which I am the witch which is being hunted, which is being disguised as an attempt to answer which is which: interrogation techniques which work vs. ones which don’t, which is a stupid question which should not be asked.”
Cheney greets Obama at the Inauguration
Cheney, who should have shut-up six months ago as most former (as in “no longer”) Vice Presidents do after leaving office, is worried about his and former (as in “no longer”) Presdent George Bush’s political legacy. “Do we want a Bush administration that will be remembered for being perky, fiesty, spunky, and perhaps a little casual in the handling of firearms? Or do we want one remembered for how many high officials were convicted of war crimes – say like me, for instance?” the former ex-ex-Vice President asked.
Cheney appeared on the Fox program while in-between flights on his way to the annual meeting of “Chief Executives Who Won’t Shut-Up And Go Away Like They’re Supposed To”, or CEWWSUGALTST, an organization founded by former (as in “no longer”) President Jimmy Carter. This year’s featured speaker is former (you fill it in) President Bill Clinton, who will address the rather exclusive audience on the subject of “Getting The Old Rag-and-Bone Out Of The House: The Advantages Of Spouses Running For High Office”.
According to CNN, Bill Gates has applied for several patents intended to slow-down hurricanes as they approach land. “We’ve found a way to run the weather on Windows” Gates said at a press conference. “We estimate this will take 75% of the power right out of things like hurricanes, slowing them to a crawl.” When asked how secure this new weather system would be, Gates said “Hey, it’s Windows – what could go wrong?”
The only hitch in the plan is the need to build a laptop 8,000 miles wide, with a backlit display as large as the sky. Dell is said to be in negotiations to provide the hardware.
This Fox News item reports on a new printer that uses no ink or electricity. Instead, the RITI printer uses coffee grounds or tea dregs for ink, and it prints by manually cranking the topside “ink” tank left and right.
Manual printer with 1 sheet/hour throughput
This is opening-up an entire new realm of green consumer devices, for example the new iChurn manual butter maker:
CNN reports that “open” encyclopedia Wikipedia isn’t quite as open as it was. Due to the large number of factual errors, inadvertant and otherwise, that not so much creep as run head-long into the site, the publishers are “assigning editors to some of its entries. These trusted volunteers likely would have to approve public edits before they’re published to English-language stories about living people”. Since it is well known that Wikipedia users simply lie for the fun of it, this would suggest that it is no longer okay to lie about living people who can hire lawyers. On the other hand, it still seems to be open season on the living and the dead in any language other than English.
“We discovered that only English speakers lie” said Wilhelmina Straus-Grolsh, President in Charge of User Discipline at Wikipedia. To quote the CNN story: “In January, for example, Wikipedia entries about Ted Kennedy and Robert Byrd falsely stated both U.S. senators had died”. Which of course is no longer incorrect, as Kennedy passed-away yesterday, and science has recently learned Byrd has been dead for over 16 years.
Another famous example is when television satire satirist Stephen Colbert exhorted his audience to change the Wikipedia entry for “Elephant” to indicate that Africa is currently suffering an elephant population explosion. In fact, because of wide acceptance of birth control by elephants (who are notoriously Protestant), there are only two left, both males, and in a comitted, loving relationship. Consequently the African pachyderm prophylactic industry has collapsed, leaving thousands out of work who have taken to poaching rhinos for thier horn, which Wikipedia states is a “guaranteed aphrodisiac”.
Senator Edward M. Kennedy died Tuesday; he was 77. He first served in the Senate in 1960 when appointed to fill his brother President John F. Kennedy’s seat, after the elder Kennedy was elected to the Presidency. Leader, statesman, legislator, and apparently a pretty good swimmer, “Teddy” was easily re-elected term after term until his death. His brothers John and Robert were both assassinated, while the oldest Kennedy brother, Joseph P. died in a plane crash during World War II. There were nine Kennedy siblings in all, most of whom died young as can be seen from this chart.
Ted Kennedy’s most lasting legacy may be that he lived to get old, as the plethora of dead siblings, neices, nephews, uncles, aunts, and cousins piled-up over his lifetime. Kennedy himself cheated the grim reaper numerous times by surviving plane crashes, automobile accidents, and avoiding being elected president. Others who rode-along with the lifelong Democrat weren’t so lucky: aide Edward Moss died in a 1964 plane crash, while campaign worker Mary Jo Kopechne drowned in a 1969 car accident. Kennedy served in Paris during the Korean War, where he was lucky to avoid various venereal diseases.
Ted Kennedy practices escaping from a submerged vehicle in 1964
Kennedy made one run for the Democratic presidential candidacy in 1980, but dropped-out of the race due to the extreme probability of “health problems”. This was just one of a string of disappointments in his life, starting when he was kicked-out of Harvard for cheating on a Spanish test: “I was on the football team – I thought we were supposed to cheat” he may have said. Over the years he struggled with alcohol, drug, sex, and food addictions, as well as an unfortunate tendency to jowliness and a marked inability to drive safely at night.
“Free Your Breasts, Free Your Mind” Obviously the one naturally follows from the other. As long as we oppress womens’ breasts, can any of us truly be free? Of course we don’t want to go too far with this – I think maybe there should be some age limitations, like no one over 60 should be allowed to run around all floppy be they male or female. Some things are just gross.
….and not of being set on fire, living in pain, screwed-up plastic surgery, never having emotionally matured, living under the pressure of being the center-piece of a multi-million-dollar entertainment empire with literally hundreds if not thousands of people dependent on his talents, or of being abused by his father and used as a meal ticket by the rest of his family, or of self-doubt and self-loathing, or of trying to live up to the expectations of a jaded and shallow public, like we thought.
A few of the symptoms of being Michael Jackson - besides death, that is.
CNN reports “New images show healthier Fidel Castro“. Healthier than what? The Cuban economy? At this point if air is going into and coming out of this guy, that’s pretty healthy. I’m only surprised his brother Raul hasn’t given him the old pillow-over-face send off. Every day Cubans wake up, turn on their old black and white Philco television sets, and, while their wood-burning ’56 Chevy warms up in the driveway, they check the news to see if nature has freed them yet. Hell, there’s more stuff to buy in the stores in Baghdad than in Havana. People there have no fear of hurricanes, because what’s one more big wind bag running roughshod over the island? Hey I got a million of ’em….
On Sunday Senator Joe Lieberman called President Obama’s ambitious goal of covering all or nearly all of the millions of uninsured in the country “the tough one.” “That’s where you spend most of the trillion dollars . . . that this health care plan will cost. And I’m afraid we’ve got to think about putting a lot of that off until the economy is out of recession. There’s no reason we have to do it all now – I mean, if we wait, then obviously there will be many fewer sick people without insurance because of, err, attrition, and that will bring the overall cost down.”
Indierupublocrat Lieberman amuses a crowd as he campaigns for the 2012 presidential race.
The White House admitted it hired a PR firm to send spam emails in support of President Obama’s health care initiatives, after a week of denying any knowledge of the mass emailings. But it turns-out it was just an honest misunderstanding.
You are talking about a savory potted meat, right?
“No, really, there was no deal to release Abdelbeset Ali Mohmed al Megrahi. It’s like I always told the Libyans, I don’t have the power to release him. What – oh – like the tan? Yes I just got back from a vacation in the Persian Gulf. Anyway, why would we even want to release Mr. al Megrahi? Excuse me? Oh, you noticed the new Mercedes? Yes, I quite like it. It was a gift…from a, er, friend. Anyway, to get back to the point here – oh, hang-on, about 100,000 Euros just fell out of my jacket pocket. Could you just give me hand…?”
This will be something-like the sixth incarnation of GraceLessLand – alas the old URL has been kidnapped. The original GraceLessLand was a home page buried in the PacBell network (remember them?) Over the past 12 years or-so it moved about a bit and went through many “theme” changes before settling into a comfortable blog-type site that incidentally featured reviews, articles, and some frightening and confusing Photoshopped images (remember the one of the Pope and the Cardinals? That one got mail).
What will come of this? Only Time will tell – but since Time is such a loudmouthed pain-in-the-ass, it shouldn’t be that long.