Cutting The Tea Party Down To Size

Various conservative organizations have been saying TWO MILLION people marched on Washington D.C. and filled the Capitol Mall. Via, here is a link to a time-lapse video (which is itself via The Rhetorician).

The numbers don’t add up! The National Mall covers 309.2 acres. There are 43,560 square feet to an acre. So, there are 13,468,753 square feet. Stuff like buildings, monuments, and the reflecting pool coveraApproximately 2/3 of the mall. So now there are 4,489,584 square feet of open space.

If you figure it takes 5 square feet for a person to stand, breathe, and wave a stupid sign over their head (and the U.S. Park Service does), that means 897,916.8 people can cover the open space in the National Mall (the 0.8 person is probably Newt Gingrich). The Park Service itself says 1.17 million, probably because they figure about 25% of an American crowd will have a topless woman sitting on their shoulders.

Now, according to this chart you probably didn’t download, 2.1 million people can fit on the Mall if each takes-up no more than 2.5 square feet and none of them move – like at all. Also none of them could possibly be fat-assed obese Americans, or wave stupid signs that compare Obama to Hitler, or have the word “COMMIE NEGRO” scrawled on them in crayon.

So where did this incredibly inflated number come from? According to Fox News (people who know a thing or two about pumping air into statistics), it came from the Democrats! To quote the story:

“It looks like Saturday’s event is going to be a huge gathering, estimates ranging from hundreds of thousands to 2 million people,” Doug Thornell, an aide to Rep. Chris Van Hollen, D-Md., wrote in a memo obtained by

But conservatives believe the memo is ploy* to inflate expectations for the turnout anticipating that it will fall short.

“It’s an old political tactic to get out in front and make wild projections and when they’re not met, claim their opponents don’t have the juice,” said Pete Sepp, a spokesman for the National Taxpayers Union, one of the organizers of the rally.

(*Yes, is ploy by Moose and Squirrel)

Even Fox News won’t support these numbers, saying only “tens of thousands” attended the “Tea Party”. Which seems more likely, seeing as tea makes you want to piss, and if two million people all pissed at once in Washington D.C., you would think Congress was debating health care reform or something.

2 comments on “Cutting The Tea Party Down To Size

  1. Nobody supporting the sentiments of Tea Party expects the commercial media to be accurate, and who cares what is the number? We know it won’t make any difference, anywhere. However, the people that chose to come out into the light of day to see how many others felt like them is a different story. The hidden number of those waiting to see if they are alone and crazy like they are told by public media, may also come out soon. This is building pressure, because this country is angry, and is not in a mood to play media games, or political hack games. 2010 will be here soon enough, and those who pretend they have a mandate from “the people” may find out the people are not backing them anymore? “Surprise, surpise!” from Gomar Pyle.


    • I think you missed the point here. The organizers of the teabagging expedition never claimed such high numbers ; dim-wit Democrats did, and to turn the tables on them conservatives ran with it. Another example of conservatives scoring points off liberal stupidity. Look what’s happening with the Joe Wilson situation:

      Gracelessland is obviously a humor site – I put the stuff I mean on The Recent Future.

      As for 2010: Congress may very well change hands – it happens on mid-term elections after a single party wins the White House and Congress. It doesn’t mean the country is “swinging to the left/right”, though – it means Americans are cautious about placing too much power in too few hands. I hope the Republicans run Newt in 2012. With him vs. Obama it will look like one of those clown pie fights at the circus!


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