Reason #1 To Always Read The Warning Labels

The hazards of not reading the warning labels

 

Okay, let’s start with the young lady. While I admire her desire to acheive complete streamlining of form, we must talk about tanning: the idea of tanning is to get an even, all-over darkening effect of the epidermis. You really mustn’t wear a bag on your head while lying in the machine, or you will appear to have your head Photoshopped on someone else’s body.

And now, for the unfortunate science experiment gone awry on the right. Firstly you need a nose to breathe – I know, I know, Michael Jackson seemed to get along just fine without one – but look how that turned out. Next, see my remarks about the point of tanning above: you really must get out of the machine before being afflicted with second-degree burns! I mean look at you – over-tanning has burned the lips right off your face.

THE TANNING MACHINE WORKS JUST LIKE A TOASTER! Turn the knob down to “lightly browned”, otherwise you will suffer the fate of English muffins, which are just too thick to be toasted at the same setting as Wonder bread!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s