Ways Real Life Is Different From FarmVille

People love to play FarmVille, mainly because it requires no thought at all and is much easier than real life. Here are the primary differences between FarmVille and reality:

  • In real life pigs do not shit truffles. They are slaughtered and turned into bacon. FarmVille would be a lot more fun if it worked like real life.
  • In real life gas costs more but lasts longer. And people don’t go around giving each other cans of gas as gifts – it’s far too precious to give away.
  • Real life has weather, insects, fungi, and droughts. FarmVille has “withering”, and you can even get around that by spending money.
  • In real life all the actual work is done by poor people from other countries who are kept in line by the constant threat of deportation.
  • In real life animals poop, pee, have wanton barnyard sex, and die at the drop of a hat. There are hugely expensive vet bills because animals can’t get health insurance, either.
  • In real life no one is making money by brushing their cat. There are no cat-fur sweaters. If there were PETA would be up in arms about it.
  • In real life farmers use lots of really dangerous, poisonous, cancer-causing chemicals so the food you buy at the supermarket will all be of uniform size, color, and texture, as if that mattered at all.
  • In real life the government would pay us to plant nothing.
  • In real life most of our farms would be in Central and South America where there aren’t so many pesky taxes, laws, and health and safety regulations. See above about chemicals.
  • In real life we’d be able to plant marijuana and make some real money.
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