Disgraced and corrupt ex-House Speaker Newt Gingrich says he’s considering launching a campaign for the 2012 elections. “Look who else is running: that brainless feeb Palin, a Mormon polygamist, and some guy from Fox News. If those losers have a chance then so do I.”
Not to be outdone by the GOP rebuttal to the State of the Union address, and the Tea Party rebuttal to the State of the Union address, former Vice Presidential Candidate and 0.5 of a Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin took to the airwaves to correct some of President Obama’s mis-statements on the history of Sputnik.
President Barack Obama has developed mutant powers that allow him to shoot rays from his eyes that lower deficits.
The Department of Homeland Security has announced it will no longer issue color-coded terrorism warnings. Instead the threat of terrorist attack will now be indicated using an odor scale. For example, a low risk of terrorist attack will have the smell of roses, while a high risk will smell like chili farts.
Rep. Gabrielle Giffords was transferred to a physical rehabilitation facility today, and greetings from people along the ambulance route reportedly caused the wounded member of congress to “tear up”. Giffords was wounded by a crazed gunman two weeks ago in Tucson, Arizona.
Sources report the House Speaker John Boehner (pronounced “boner”) also cried as Giffords was transported, although they say he was in Washington, D.C. at the time. Boehner received a letter from Publishers’ Clearinghouse that informed him he may have already won $1,000,000.00. “He just went to pieces” and unnamed source said.
However, GraceLessLand has uncovered two areas of the fence that can be circumvented in even less time, as the map below indicates.
The Republican National Committee elected Reince Priebus as its new chairman today, after previous chairman Michael Steele dropped-out of the running. The election of a new chairman requires a minimum of 85 votes out of a possible 168. If no candidate gets the required number voting continues until one does or until everyone gets tired of the whole thing and they just put the office up for auction to the highest bidder.
Candidates were questioned earlier this week by RNC members as to their qualifications. The questioning centered around such topics as “How much do you worship Ronald Reagan?”, “How many guns do you own?”, and “What is your favorite book?”. Steele answered “War and Peace”, and then went on to quote the opening line from “A Tale of Two Cities”.
“That was what sank him right there” newly-minted House Speaker John Boehner said. “Familiarity with the classics of American literature is vital to the position of RNC Chairman. And everyone knows the opening line to ‘War and Peace’ is ‘It was a dark and stormy night’.”
FoxNews.com has a surprisingly lengthy stiff list slide show starting with Art Clokey, inventor of Gumby, and ending with the twin brothers who took part in the first organ transplant. And a slew of famous dead folks in-between.