From The Diary Of Osama bin Laden #1

April 28 2011

Dear Diary,

Why have they not voted Kirstie Alley off of “Dancing With The Stars”? I have camels that are more graceful! It’s a conspiracy – they are rigging the voting because her weight loss is good PR! This is just the kind of thing that makes me wish death to America!

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Gingrich Announces Candidacy

Laughing…so…hard…lungs…collapsed…can’t…breathe….

Newt Gingrich assures the nation he won't treat it like his first wife.