Jury Seated Uncomfortably In Penile Amputation Suit

A Kentucky man and his wife are suing the surgeon who amputated the man’s penis in 2008. The doctor maintains the amputation became necessary upon discovering cancer during a circumcision procedure.

A jury was seated “swiftly”, if uncomfortably, with all the male jurors sitting with their legs crossed while all the female jurors are on the edge of their seats, many smirking or actually audibly giggling.

Michele Bachmann Promises $2 Per Gallon Gas

Michele Bachmann does her magic act for voters during a campaign stop in the Land of Oz.

GOP presidential nomination candidate Michele Bachmann blamed President Barack Obama for the high price of oil, and promised she will lower the price of gas to $2 per gallon if elected.

Bachmann also claimed she will make gay people straight with the power of her mind, will use a Ouija board to discover the locations of Jimmy Hoffa and D.B. Cooper, and will make Congress disappear.

Oh, and she says she can hypnotize snakes just by staring at them.