The GraceLessLand Tax Reform Initiative

Here is our proposal for a new, streamlined tax schedule:

A) If you don’t clean your own toilet, your taxes will be increased.

B) If you do clean your own toilet, your taxes will remain the same.

C) Unless you clean someone else’s toilet, in which case your taxes will decrease.

Cain Wins Big In Florida Straw Poll

Businessman Herman Cain grew almost 12 full inches as a result of winning the Florida 5 straw poll.

Pizza magnate Herman Cain upset the entire GOP presidential race Saturday by winning the straw poll at the Florida 5 convention held by the state Republican party. Cain took a massive 37% of the vote, more than doubling Texas Governor Rick Perry’s 15.4%, and Mitt Romney’s 14%.

Perry is currently leading national polls, with Romney running second and Cain a distant also-ran. However, because of Florida’s traditional disproportionate effect on national politics, and the state’s traditional electoral incompetence, it is difficult to judge how Cain’s win in the unofficial and non-binding straw poll may affect the race. Perry may actually die as a result, and Romney may lose the ability to feed and dress himself.

Other candidates divided-up the spare change: former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum (10.9%), Texas Rep. Ron Paul (10.4%), former House Speaker Newt Gingrich (8.4%), Guy From Utah (2.26%) and Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann (1.5%). Numbers that are essentially statistically insignificant.

Actually the entire thing is insignificant, considering only 2,657 votes were cast, and those by drunks who were farting corndogs.