Katy Perry And Russell Brand To Divorce After One Year

Pop superstar Katy Perry and British comedian Russel Brand married in 2010 at a ceremony held in India. They will divorce at a ceremony to be held in a court room in Los Angeles.

Pop music superstar Katy Perry and her coattail-riding husband of one year Russell Brand have announced their marriage is over and they will be divorced.

“Really, it was no single thing that has caused this” a glamorous yet demure Perry said. “It’s no one’s fault. I just couldn’t take any more of his odd behavior. Or his drinking and drug addiction. Or his philandering. Or the fact he is a talentless nobody who has tried to make a career for himself on my contacts and money. I also couldn’t take the way he smells a single day longer. You know how a fish smells when it’s been left out in the sun for three or four days, and then stuffed inside a truck tire and driven across the country, and then stored inside the rotting intestines of a dead goat for several weeks? It’s like that, but worse.”

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Santorum Surges To Third Place In Iowa Poll

GOP presidential hopeful Rick Santorum has not only pulled ahead of Newt Gingrich in the latest Iowa polls, but his campaign Web site is now the first result when you Google his last name.

Rick Santorum has risen from the single digits and is now third behind Mitt Romney and Ron Paul in the latest Des Moines Register poll.  Santorum has pulled ahead of lead weight Newt Gingrich, who has plummeted from first place since the debacle in Gingrich’s home state of Virgina, where he failed to get enough signatures to qualify for the primary ballot.

“People have asked me, ‘When are you going to get your surge? You’re not going anywhere. Your message must not be resonating,'” Santorum said on “Meet The Press” Sunday.

“I said my surge is going to come on January 3rd after the people of Iowa do what they do, whatever it is they actually do in a caucus. I’ve always said my candidacy is based on a last-minute, come-from-behind miracle – the kind of thing it’s not really reasonable to depend on in real life. Some kind of out-of-left-field and off-the-wall bizarre circumstance the likes of which no one could possibly predict. The kind of fairy-tale-Hollywood-ending only the most dim-witted and easily fooled people on Earth would ever accept as reality. My campaign has always been based on a total, utter, and complete fantasy that people would ever think of the name ‘Santorum’ without thinking of anal sex.”

Most political analysts attribute Santorum’s rise to Gingrich’s fall: “Voters don’t really like Rick Santorum – I mean you can’t even say the guy’s name without cringing and thinking of anal sex – but it’s more that people have seen through the curtain of lies Newt Gingrich hides behind. People are fed-up with Gingrich posing as an intellectual, and are quite frankly horrified by his assertions that the Supreme Court and the Bill of Rights are obstacles he would not feel bound by as President. Even Santorum’s association with the act of one person sticking their penis into another person’s rectum isn’t as distasteful as Newt Gingrich” one informed source said.