Pop music superstar Katy Perry and her coattail-riding husband of one year Russell Brand have announced their marriage is over and they will be divorced.
“Really, it was no single thing that has caused this” a glamorous yet demure Perry said. “It’s no one’s fault. I just couldn’t take any more of his odd behavior. Or his drinking and drug addiction. Or his philandering. Or the fact he is a talentless nobody who has tried to make a career for himself on my contacts and money. I also couldn’t take the way he smells a single day longer. You know how a fish smells when it’s been left out in the sun for three or four days, and then stuffed inside a truck tire and driven across the country, and then stored inside the rotting intestines of a dead goat for several weeks? It’s like that, but worse.”