Judge Rules Against GOP Candidates In Virginia

GOP presidential candidates Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Guy From Utah, and Newt "Fuck You And Your Stupid Rules" Gingrich will not be eligible for the Virginia primary due to violations of the state election procedures.

A Virginia judge has ruled against the challenge to state election procedures by four GOP presidential hopefuls, saying they violated the state residency rules for persons circulating ballot petitions. Because not all the persons who collected signatures for the candidates were Virginia residents, those signatures were deemed invalid, and the four candidates did not have the number of signatures required to be on the GOP primary ballot.

Candidates Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Newt Gingrich, and that Guy From Utah brought the legal challenge to the state rules, claiming the rules were unconstitutional. Only Perry and Gingrich actually filed ballot petitions. Santorum and the Guy From Utah didn’t even bother.

“In essence, they played the game, lost, and then complained that the rules were unfair,” said Judge John Gibney. “And I have never seen such a bunch of whiny cry-babies in my life. Especially that little twerp Gingrich.”

Gibney was appointed to the bench in 2010 by President Barack Obama.

Only candidates Mitt Romney and Ron Paul qualified for the Virginia primary, and they’re both feeling pretty smug about it. Paul’s┬ánational campaign chairman Jesse Benton said “The Virginia ruling merely confirms the suspicions of what many people feel about the viability of Perry, Gingrich, Huntsman, and Santorum. These guys are total losers and no one should take them seriously. Ron Paul is the Hypno Toad.”