Virginia Butt Slasher Still At Large

Virginia law enforcement officials released this artist's depiction of "El Corta Nalgas", wanted for a 13-butt slashing spree. People are asked to be on the lookout for a short, stout white male with gray hair and a look of sour disappointment on his face. DO NOT APPROACH THE SUSPECT! He is considered dangerously insane! If you see this man please contact the Virginia State Registrar Of Voters.

Virginia law enforcement officials have announced that the man known only as “El Corta Nalgas” has not been apprehended in Peru as earlier reported. “It’s the wrong guy – he’s too tall, has black hair, and isn’t nearly arrogant enough” a spokesman for the Virginia Attorney General’s office said.

“El Corta Nalgas”, or “The Butt Cutter”, is wanted for a string of assaults in which young women have been slashed on the buttocks with a sharp object. The attacks started shortly after a Virginia judge denied the court challenge to Virginia’s electoral laws by four GOP presidential candidates. Authorities say the attacks may or may not be related to the court decision.

Virginia’s special Posterior Protection Squad has released a police artist’s sketch of the suspect. Anyone with any knowledge of the whereabouts of “El Corta Nalgas” should contact the Virginia State Registrar of Voters or the Virginia Democratic Party.

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