Gingrich Loses Spectacularly In Arizona

Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum once again split the lead in the Arizona primary, but this time Romney had a much stronger finish. Newt Gingrich was a sad and pathetically distant third, and Ron Paul slipped back into the sub-ten percent range.

Gingrich Almost Non-existant In Michigan

Mitt Romney has regained his dominant position in the Republican primaries by winning in Michigan, but Rick Santorum made a strong showing in Romney's old home state. Ron Paul broke the 10 percent mark, while other candidates brought up the rear.

Santorum Says JFK Speech Makes Him Feel Like Vomiting

GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum says President John F. Kennedy's famous speech affirming his belief in the founding principle of the separation of church and state "makes me want to throw up".

Angelina Jolie’s Leg Wins Best PR Stunt

Actress Angelina Jolie made rather a thing out of sticking her exceptionally slim and white leg out of her exceptionally long and black dress at the 2012 Academy Awards show - even while presenting an award for something or other. Now what are people talking about around the water cooler? Meryl Streep? We don't think so.

Scorsese Screwed Again At Oscars(TM)

Director Martin Scorsese vents his spleen at the 2012 Academy Awards. "The Actor", a gimmicky silent film shot in pseudo-black-and-white was awarded Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Actor. Scorsese's breathtaking film "Hugo" won 5 awards for stuff like best cinematography, best art direction, best sounding edit, best sound mixing, and best visual effects, like anybody gives a rat's ass about that crap.

Santorum Poll Lead Evaporates

The GOP candidates are once again realigning in the polls, as Rick Santorum sees his lead over rival Mitt Romney disappear since the last debate. Santorum may have made the worst mistake a politician can make: he may have inadvertently told the truth about his voting record.

A Pledge

You hear them say it almost every day: “As President on day one I’ll repeal Obamacare” or “When I’m President I’ll cut Planned Parenthood’s funding on day one” or “On day one I’ll have Nancy Pelosi abducted and dumped in the ocean”.

But can they really do that stuff? Well, no, according to this article:

For all candidates, it is important to note that an executive order cannot overrule a law passed by the Senate and House and signed by a former president. Therefore, though a candidate may want to abolish the Affordable Care Act with the stroke of a pen, it would take a full-fledged bill to do that.

Gingrich Promises To Reduce Cost Of Gas

GOP presidential candidate Newt "I've Got All The Gas You Need" Gingrich, who has seen his once commanding lead in the polls slip away, says he has a plan to reduce the cost of gas in the U.S.

Keystone XL Designer Says Pipeline Is Safe

The designer of the controversial Keystone XL pipeline that would deliver beer from Canada to the Gulf of Mexico claims the pipeline is safe. "If it leaks we just all grab straws and start sucking it up" said design engineer Keith Stone.

Candidates Out-Conservative Each Other At Arizona Debate

GOP candidates Ron Paul, Rick Santorum, Mitt Romney, and Newt "I Can Reach It!" Gingrich prepare to establish their conservative cred at what may be the last debate of the primaries.

Animal Rights Nut Shops For Hitman On Facebook

The FBI says Meredith Lowell, 27, of Cleveland, solicited for a contract killer to murder someone wearing fur. According to court records Lowell wanted the victim to be at least 12 years-old and she wanted to be present at the killing so she could distribute literature afterward. She offered as much as $850 for the job.

There’s no joke here, just the obvious point that the belief animals have rights is a form of mental illness.

Indiana State Rep. Calls Girl Scouts A “Radicalized” Group Of Lesbians

Indiana State Representative Bob Morris (Republican, if you couldn't guess - and illegitimate child of Dick Morris and Janet Reno) claims the Girl Scouts are a "radicalized" organization that promotes a "homosexual lifestyle", and are a covert arm of Planned Parenthood.

Santorum Paints Himself As Dangerous Lunatic – Rises In Polls

After a week of revealing just how much his Catholic beliefs inform his politics, and comparing President Obama to Hitler, and saying that science is worthless, GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum has risen to the top of the polls. Which tells you a lot about how desperate the average Republican voter has become with regards to the quality of the presidential field.

Introducing “Where Are They Now?”

We’ve added a new regular feature to GraceLessLand: the WATN? page, or “Where Are They Now?”. From time to time (like maybe never again) a new feature will be added that will catch you up with famous personages from the past.

We kick-off “Where Are They Now?” with the biggest murder trial of the latter half of the tenth decade of the 20th century: The O.J. Simpson Trial.

Santorum: Obama Believes In “Theology Different From That In The Bible”

GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum speaks in Columbus, Ohio where he said President Barack Obama is a threat to Christians.

White House Predicts 2 Million New Jobs In 2012

The Economic Report Of The President is predicting as many as 2 million new jobs will be created by the U.S. economy in the coming year. The report states fairies will come down from heaven and sprinkle magic employment dust over the country, leading to a boom in unicorn construction and princess rescuing technology.

Marijuana Smuggling Plane Intercepted Near President’s Flight

Two F-16 fighter jets intercepted a civilian Cessna aircraft that entered restricted airspace around Marine One as the helicopter was carrying President Obama in the Los Angeles area. After it was forced down the Cessna was found to be carrying about 40 pounds of marijuana.

Obama Campaign Manager Criticized For “Chimichanga” Tweet

Jim Messina, President Obama's campaign manager and formerly of pop-duo "Loggins and Messina", quoted a remark made by the Washington Post columnist Dana Milbank, which was partly a reference to a quote from Arizona Senator John McCain, saying "The chimichanga? It may be the only thing Republicans have left to offer Latinos." Conservative Latino groups - well, there's one - want Messina to apologize for the insensitivity of his quote of Dana Milbank referencing John McCain. Got that?

Mormon Church Apologizes For Baptizing Dead Jews

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints apologized for baptizing members of the families of Nazi hunter Simon Wiesenthal and Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel. The church agreed in 1995 to stop baptizing Jewish Holocaust victims.

Japanese Tsunami Debris Headed For U.S. West Coast

A massive collection of over 25 million tons of cars, houses, body parts, and other debris from last year's tsunami in Japan is headed for the West coast of North America. Congress is debating if the debris counts as "imports" and should be calculated-in to the trade deficit.

Republicans Split On Romney And Santorum

According to recent polls Republican voters are divided along gender and economic lines between candidates Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum, while those who are either hopelessly evil or insane are divided over also-rans Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul.

GOP Congress Gives-In To Obama On Payroll Tax

Republican congressional leaders dropped their opposition to renewing the existing payroll tax cut. President Obama says the tax cut is a key element of his economic recovery plan. The GOP had previously insisted the tax cut should be offset by spending cuts, putting them in the awkward position of being against tax cuts that help business.

Wait A Second….

Everyone who is working themselves into a depressive frenzy wailing over Whitney Houston drowning in a bathtub full of her own vomit please stop and give a thought to, say,  all those people in Syria who are being slaughtered by their own government, or the soldiers who just died in Afghanistan for no really good reason, or really just about anyone who wasn’t a pampered pop star who made bad choices and are responsible for their own tragic demise, but are instead victims of an unjust and uncaring world.

Just sayin’

Beach Boys Reunite For Grammy Awards Show

The Beach Boys celebrated their 50th anniversary as a band with a reunion performance of "Good Vibrations" on the 2012 Grammy Awards program, even though for most of those years they performed without songwriter Brian Wilson who was busy being extremely mentally ill, mainly due to the abusive treatment he received from his psycho father. So perhaps "celebration" should be taken in a metaphorical context.

Gingrich Demolished In Maine Caucuses

In the latest results from a state that doesn't have enough people to have real primary elections Mitt Romney and Ron Paul split the majority of whatever passes for votes in a caucus.

Gingrich Loses CPAC Straw Poll

Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney won the non-binding straw poll at the 2012 Conservative Political Action Conference. Romney was a moderate until recently when he discovered he needs to pretend to be a conservative to get the national Republican party behind him.

Clint Eastwood Supports Simpson-Bowles Plan

Director Clint Eastwood says the government needs to take another look at the Simpson-Bowles deficit reduction plan. Prepared under the auspices of President Obama, the plan recommends that spending not exceed 21% of gross domestic product. It listed specific government programs to cut, and recommends an overhaul of the tax code.

Academy Award(TM)(R)(C) winning actor and director Clint Eastwood says he thinks it’s time to take another look at the Simpson-Bowles deficit reduction plan.

“I don’t know why the President asked O.J. and that other guy to come-up with it in the first place, if he isn’t going to push for it” Eastwood said. “It’s simple: say you have some kids in the neighborhood that are selling drugs and raping and looting…you could molly-coddle them and put them in some government program. Or you can fill them full of 44-magnum-sized holes and fix the problem once and for all. And that’s what Simpson-Bowles does: it’s a large-caliber solution, it’s bloody and extreme, and blows the deficits whole head clean off.”