Travolta Accusers Drop Lawsuits

At least one and possibly two of potentially three men who may have accused actor John Travolta of possibly groping them while they perhaps worked as masseurs may have dropped their alleged allegations.

Major Romney Donor Switches To Obama

Bill White, an openly gay supporter of GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney, has decided to back President Barack Obama now that Obama has declared he supports equal marriage rights for gay couples. White is the chairman and CEO of the New York-based consulting firm Constellations Group, has asked Romney to return his $2,500 donation. The Romney campaign has responded with the statement: “You knew we’re against same-sex marriage when you donated the money – no backsies!”

Ron Paul Suspends “Active” Campaign

Ron Paul announced he is suspending his “active campaign” for the GOP presidential nomination, allaying fears that he would continue to run even though he had no hope of accomplishing anything except boring everyone to death with his constant whining about the Federal Reserve.

R.I.P. Donald “Duck” Dunn

From Stax Records in the 1960s through every major blues, soul, and rock artist since, to his best-known stint in the “Blues Brothers” band, Donald “Duck” Dunn was recognized as one of the best bass players on the planet. He was most often off to the side of the stage, drawing no attention to himself while he made everyone else sound good.

Romney For, Then Against Allowing Gays To Adopt

In what was a lightning-quick reversal even for him, on Friday morning Mitt Romney said he was “fine” with allowing gay couples to adopt, even going so far as to say they had a “right” to do so. By that afternoon he was less sure, saying “I simply acknowledge the fact that gay adoption is legal in all states but one”. Romney was also acknowledging his ignorance: at this time only 18 states and the District of Columbia allow same-sex parents to adopt.

House Republicans Renege On Debt Ceiling Deal

House Speaker John Boehner and congressional Republicans are attempting to avoid automatic defense budget cuts they agreed to by instead making those cuts to social programs. The automatic cuts were agreed to as a “poison pill” to motivate the failed “Super Congress” to arrive at a debt-cutting agreement. Now that the automatic cuts are about to kick-in, Boehner is trying to change the deal without the consent of Democrats.

Florida Woman Gets 20 Years For Firing Warning Shot

Marissa Alexander was sentenced to 20 years in prison for firing a warning shot to scare-off her abusive husband. Though she used Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law as her defense, State Attorney Angela Corey successfully prosecuted her for aggravated assault. Corey is the State Attorney handling the Trayvon Martin-George Zimmerman murder case.

Time Breast Feeding Cover Stirs Controversy

Some are claiming Time Magazine went too far with this cover depicting a mother breast feeding her gigantic 3-year-old son. Some just think it’s creepy. The majority of men just feel cheated.

Richard Lugar Defeated In GOP Primary

Richard Lugar, the longest serving member of Congress, has been defeated in the Indiana GOP primary by Richard Mourdock, an alternative Republican candidate supported by elements of the Tea Party movement. However, Indianans can take comfort that if Mourdock wins the general election they will still be represented by a Dick.

Biden Apologizes To Obama For Speaking Out Of Turn

Vice-President Joe Biden apologized to President Barack Obama for comments he made about same-sex marriage that forced Obama to take a stand on the issue. Because there’s nothing Barack Obama hates more than taking a stand on anything.

Obama Comes-Out On Same-Sex Marriage

Just a short while after Vice-President Joe Biden said he was “comfortable” with same-sex marriage because of watching the sit-com “Will And Grace”, President Barack Obama also voiced his support of equal marriage rights. It is an issue Obama has attempted to dodge in the past.

Racial Profiling Now Illegal In Connecticut

Connecticut’s state legislature passed a bill Monday that makes racial profiling a crime. When asked who the new law targets, the state’s Attorney General said “usually a white male between the ages of 25 and 55, in the law enforcement community, or the legal professions.” The state Attorney General was immediately arrested under the new law.

Edwards Donor Claims She Knew Money Wasn’t For Campaign

John Edwards got a big break in the campaign finance fraud trial that could put him away for years if convicted. Attorneys for Rachel “Bunny” Mellon, the 101-year-old billionaire who gave Edwards $750,000 that was used to hide his pregnant mistress Rielle Hunter, claim Mellon knew the money was not intended for the then-presidential candidate’s campaign.

“TruckNutz” Becoming Legal, Social Issue

“TruckNutz”, the plastic testicles drivers hang from the bumper of a vehicle as a novelty, have lead to fines and even arrests for indecency. One case pits driver Virginia Tice, 65, against Bonneau, S.C. police chief, Franco Fuda. Both parties are seeking a jury trial to decide if plastic testicles are indecent or protected speech.

France Now Also Has A Socialist President

Francois Hollande has defeated Nicolas Sarkozy for the office of President of France. Sarkozy’s inability to repair France’s damaged economy has resulted in the election of the first socialist president since Francois Mitterrand left office in 1995. Apparently the French memory lasts about 17 years. It is interesting that they have elected a candidate whose name is that of another country – kind of like if Americans elected a president named Canada.

Evidence In Hang Gliding Accident “Retrieved”

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police have retrieved a memory card that may contain evidence in the death of a woman who fell from a hang glider. Lenami Godinez-Avila fell hundreds of feet to her death during a tandem hang-gliding flight with an instructor. William Jonathan Orders, 50, the hang gliding instructor who was arrested and charged with obstructing justice, apparently removed the memory card from an on-board video camera and swallowed it.

Rivera’s Injury May End His Career

Geraldo Rivera has suffered a life-threatening news injury that may spell the end of his long and varied career. “It’s about as bad as it can be for a newsman, and especially for this newsman” said Fox News president Roger Ailes. “It’s a torn mustache – a very bad tear and it doesn’t look like the mustache can be saved.”

Jagger To Host “Saturday Night Live” Season Finale

Sir Mick Jagger will host the season’s final episode of “Saturday Night Live”, probably because SNL is trying to win back it’s original viewers from the 1970s before they all die.

Gay Romney Adviser Hounded From Post By Conservative Christians

Richard Grenell has left his post as a foreign policy adviser with the Romney campaign after Bryan Fischer, director of the conservative Christian American Family Association, said his appointment was a “big gain for the homosexual lobby”. Grenell is openly gay.

Gingrich “Suspends” Campaign The Same Way Death “Suspends” Life

Newt “I Could’a Been A Contender” Gingrich announced he is suspending his campaign for the GOP presidential nomination due to a severe case of no longer being able to ignore reality. Gingrich couldn’t quite bring himself to endorse Mitt Romney – he’s probably planning to withhold that plum until he can make a deal to be vice-president or secretary of state.

S.F. Uses “Sonic Assault” To Scare Away Homeless

Another Planet Entertainment, the company that operates San Francisco’s Bill Graham Civic Auditorium, is using recorded sounds to chase homeless people out of adjacent Civic Center Park. Each night from 11 pm to 7 am the sounds of chainsaws, jackhammers, and other industrial noises are played through the auditorium’s external loudspeakers. Apparently people attending the symphony and opera had complained about the homeless presence.

Woman Accused Of Burning Daughter In Tanning Booth

Patricia Krentcil, a 44-year-old mother from Nutley, New Jersey, has been arrested for taking her 5-year-old daughter into a tanning booth, where the child suffered sunburn-like injuries.

Obama Makes Totally Non-Campaign-Related Trip To Afghanistan

President Barack Obama made a secret trip to Afghanistan that included a secret announcement to the entire world that the U.S. will leave the war-torn country on-schedule in 2014, due to the really almost certainly impending total destruction of al Qaeda.

Cheri Young Testifies About Edward’s Love Child

Cheri Young, wife of Andrew Young the former aide to John Edwards, testified that she and her husband were in a McDonald's drive-through when her husband told her he was going to claim Edward's love child as his own.

The wife of a former aide to one-time presidential candidate John Edwards testified that she and her husband were in a McDonald’s drive-through when Andrew Young told her he was going to claim the candidate’s mistress and love child as his own.

“I was mad. I was upset. Of course I said, ‘Absolutely Not!’ I screamed at him. I cursed at him.” But Cheri Young said she went along with the plan after a conference call between herself, her husband, Edwards, and mistress Rielle Hunter. “They explained to me how John’s presidency would be good for the country, how important it was that the campaign keep going, and exactly how much money there was in it for me.”

She said Edwards assured her that using nearly a million dollars in donations to hide his pregnant mistress during the 2008 presidential campaign was legal. “Of course I believed him, because it was a lot of money” Young said.

The Young’s brought Rielle Hunter into their home as a guest to hide her from the media. She said Hunter was an expensive guest, recalling one episode with Hunter at a diner in Aspen, Colorado, when Hunter complained that her Reuben sandwich had the wrong sauce and then called her spiritual adviser and healer for help.

Cheri Young claims she and her husband wrote several checks, including one for $8,000, to help Hunter pay for her spiritual adviser’s services, although on reflection she thinks Hunter may have just been talking into the phone without actually calling anyone.

Edwards is charged with numerous offenses including breaking campaign finance laws, fraud, and would be charged with being a total dickwad if that were illegal. The defense claims the donations were private money from friends who wanted to spare Edwards’ cancer-stricken wife from finding out about the affair. “It really had nothing to do with the entire country finding-out John Edwards was a lying scumbag” Edwards attorney said.

Gay Porn Priest McVeigh Leaves Parish

Father Martin McVeigh accidentally showed gay porn to parents of children preparing for their First Holy Communion. Father McVeigh was giving a Microsoft Powerpoint presentation and the images of nude men were on a memory stick he was using. McVeigh has asked to leave his parish and take sabbatical leave from the priesthood.

McVeigh's presentation took place at a grade school in Pomeroy, County Tyrone, Northern Ireland in March. Church officials are actively investigating the case. Attendees at the presentation said they were "horrified" at what they saw, except for two fellows in the third row who simply giggled profusely.