Obama Denies White House Leaks

President Barack Obama called allegations that the White House leaked state secrets to give his reelection bid a boost “offensive”, while Attorney General Eric Holder has assigned two government attorneys to investigate the source of the leaks. “We won’t be looking inside the White House” Holder said, because “there’s a streetlamp just out in front of it that provides better light to see by.”

Endangered Mexican Spotted Owls Complicate AZ Water Problem

The tussle between the U.S. Forest Service and the city of Tombstone, AZ, over the city’s right to maintain their water pipeline through public lands has now been complicated by the appearance of Mexican Spotted Owls in the vicinity of the pipeline. The owls are a threatened species, although some conspiracy theorists think the U.S. government may have encouraged the owls to illegally cross the border.