Zimmerman Interviewed By Hannity

George Zimmerman, the neighborhood watchman who shot and killed teenager Trayvon Martin in a nighttime confrontation in Florida, sat for an interview with Fox News’ Sean Hannity. In the interview Zimmerman said the tragic killing was part of “God’s plan”, and that he shot Martin because the young man was reaching for Zimmerman’s gun, essentially saying if he hadn’t had a gun there would have been no reason to shoot Martin.

This is the first time Zimmerman has mentioned having an accomplice, and police are looking for God as a “deity of interest”.

UPDATE: Apparently Zimmerman’s going rate for an interview is a month of “shelter and security”. We’re sure Hannity would have paid more (and may have).

1993: The Offices Of DC Comics

1ST GUY: Okay, listen, I’ve got a great idea for a new super villain for Batman. He has this creepy mask-

2ND GUY: Who, Batman?

1ST GUY: No, no – the new villain-

2ND GUY: Don’t they all?

1ST GUY: What?

2ND GUY: All wear creepy masks? Super villains, I mean.

1ST GUY: This one looks like a huge spider is stuck on his mouth.

2ND GUY: Yeah, okay, that’s creepy.

1ST GUY: Here’s the brilliant part: his name is “Bane”!

2ND GUY: Why is that brilliant?

1ST GUY: Why? Because of Mitt Romney!

2ND GUY: Who?

1ST GUY: Mitt Romney! The CEO of Bain Capital!

2ND GUY: His name is Mitt? What kind of name is that?

1ST GUY: I think it’s short for “Mitthew”.

2ND GUY: So what does this have to do with a new super villain who has a big spider on his mouth?

1ST GUY: It’s not an actual spider! It just looks like one!

2ND GUY: Why?

1ST GUY: That’s not important! We want the new super villain to have the same name as Romney’s company-

2ND GUY: What does this company make?

1ST GUY: They make money. They are like the kings of leveraged buy-outs: they find a company that is struggling, pay almost nothing for it, use the equity to borrow money and buy other companies, and then bankrupt them so the loss is a write-off – they make hundreds of millions off of these deals!

2ND GUY: That’s brilliant! Hey – what happens to the people that work for these companies?

1ST GUY: They become homeless and go on food stamps.

2ND GUY: That sucks! So that’s why he’s a super villain?

1ST GUY: No, no – the super villain has the same name as the company, just spelled a little differently: B-a-n-e.

2ND GUY: You mean a person or thing that ruins or spoils, or a deadly poison?

1ST GUY: Yes! Exactly!

2ND GUY: So, why do we want to do this?

1ST GUY: Because 19 years from now, in 2012, Romney is going to run for president against Barack Obama, the first black president!

2ND GUY: The first black president will be from Alabama?

1ST GUY: No! Obama! His name is Obama!

2ND GUY: How do you know this?

1ST GUY: That’s not important right now! What is important is DC will have a Batman movie coming out during the election – and the super villain will be Bane! Thus connecting Mitt Romney in the people’s minds with evil! It’s going to be a close election because of the massive economic problems and the unpopular wars against terrorists-

2ND GUY: What terrorists?

1ST GUY: The ones who will fly the airliners into the…uh…never mind that! The point is we have to create Bane now so the character will be established in 2012 for the movie!

2ND GUY: In order to influence an election 19 years from now?

1ST GUY: Precisely!

2ND GUY: It will never work!

1ST GUY: Why not?

2ND GUY: Because Rush Limbaugh will immediately see through it and alert the citizenry of America!

1ST GUY: Oh, that’s right! Limbaugh! I forgot about Limbaugh! Damn!