Computer Glitch Downs Airliners

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

Advertisements

He Didn’t Say Wall

Donald Trump never said he wants to build a “wall” at the US/Mexico border. He said Wal-Mart! It’s a unique new economic model where each facility will have doors for workers on the Mexican side of the border, and doors for customers on the US side. In a direct one-to-one relationship each US citizen will have a Mexican national to manufacture all the cheap junk they buy. You’ll actually know the name of your underpaid industrial slave.

It’s a win-win situation: the workers get jobs so they want to stay on the Mexican side, and US companies get huge breaks on their labor costs so they’ll want to stay on the US side. And did I mention the people on the Mexican side will want to stay on the Mexican side? So that’s like a win-win-win situation.

FLASHBACK: Keystone XL Pipeline Designer Says “It’s Safe”

The designer of the controversial Keystone XL pipeline that would deliver beer from Canada to the Gulf of Mexico claims the pipeline is safe. "If it leaks we just all grab straws and start sucking it up" said design engineer Keith Stone.

The designer of the controversial Keystone XL pipeline that would deliver beer from Canada to the Gulf of Mexico claims the pipeline is safe. “If it leaks we just all grab straws and start sucking it up” said design engineer Keith Stone.

Long Island Residents Get Electricity Bills After Weeks Without Power

 

Residents of storm-battered Long Island, many of whom have been without electrical power for weeks, received bills from the Long Island Power Authority charging the full monthly rate.

“I can’t get LIPA to acknowledge my existence on earth to talk to me about anything, but I guess they had power, so they could print my bills. Nice, right?” grumbled one resident.

Foreclosures Down In Most U.S. Cities

America’s leading economic indicator, housing foreclosures, are down in 62% of U.S. cities. The lack of foreclosures is expected to cause widespread unemployment in the mortgage industry and negatively impact banking profits. “Good numbers are bad numbers in the foreclosure markets” said one mortgage insider. “This could trigger a trend in good numbers such as rising employment and production rates, signaling a much healthier economy and horrible decline in homelessness. U.S. banks have been counting on continued rampant foreclosures to support their bottom line – we are invested in a high-foreclosure future!”

Welch Twitters Himself Out Of A Job

Former General Electric CEO Jack Welch has resigned from his post with Fortune magazine after criticism of his accusation the Obama administration faked a jobs report.

Welch famously wrote “Unbelievable jobs numbers..these Chicago guys will do anything..can’t debate so change numbers” to his Twitter account after the government released its September employment report. The report showed that unemployment fell from 8.1% to 7.8% for the month.

Welch resigned as a contributing editor at Fortune after being criticized for the tweet by the magazine’s managing editor.

Apple Wins Patent Infringement Suit Against Samsung

This just in: Daimler Benz has patented cars with four wheels, Greece has patented democracy, Germany has patented war crimes, dinosaurs have patented bones, Steve Jobs has patented death, the Republican Party has patented ignorance, and Bill Clinton has patented sexual harassment.

Gas Prices Coincidentally Rise Just Before Election

A combination of refining and transportation problems in the Midwest and on the West Coast have driven gas prices up just in time for the November elections, the same way they always do when an incumbent Democrat is running for re-election to the Presidency.