New “Star Wars” Spoilers

Here at GraceLessLand we are privy to some inside information about “The Force Awakens”, mostly because this stuff is pretty obvious from the trailers.

  • Luke has gone over to the Dark Side – that’s him in the mask holding the red lightsaber. He has become obsessed with making his father’s dream of galactic domination a reality. This is great for Mark Hamill, because not only has it been a long time between paychecks but Darth Vader was much more popular than Luke Skywalker ever was, so he should be able to milk this for a ton of voice-over jobs, and he can double his autograph fee at conventions.
  • Han Solo has found true love – with his best friend and better-half, Chewbacca. That’s what Princess Leia is crying about when she hugs him in the trailer. But Han and Chewie are unable to marry under the repressive laws of the desert planet they are living on, and so once again they must fight for what is right.
  • Princess Leia is not handling menopause well – when she has hot flashes her Force Powers cause people around her to spontaneously combust.
  • C3PO and R2D2 aren’t droids – but are actually a Jedi mind-trick to conceal their true identities as the actual twins fathered by Darth Vader. This is why they are never the droids you are looking for.
  • Storm Troopers are not clones – they are temps – that’s why they are so bad at their job.
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Everyone Has Their Role To Play

LarryWilmore

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Will This Carnage Never End?

NotAgain2

Travolta Speaks Against “Going Clear”

(Click the image to read the full story at FoxNews.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at FoxNews.com)

“Unfinished Business” Stars In Free Photos

So we could take them and write goofy dialog balloons for them and it would be legal!

What would the fun be in that?

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Dear Internet Trolls

NimoyShatner

Live Long And Prosper

NimoyL nimoyLarsonLeonard Nimoy-Sea Huntnycqrb Sea-Hunt-The-Shipwreck-3leonard_nimoy

He Is Deep In The Plaktow – The Blood Fever

(Click the image to read the full story at BBC.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at BBC.com)

Tension On The “American Sniper” Set

Will Bradley Cooper get a "sympathy Oscar" for being stuck acting with a fake baby?

Will Bradley Cooper get a “sympathy Oscar” for being stuck acting with a fake baby?

Fifty Shades Of Stupid

If it was a guy who lives in a trailer park instead of a millionaire it wouldn't be sexy at all.

If it was a guy who lives in a trailer park instead of a millionaire it wouldn’t be sexy at all.

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Everything Is Politics

IdeologicalSharks

A Rose By Any Other Name

This is a quote from the Wikipedia entry on guitar pickups:

….the humbucking pickup was invented by Joseph Raymond “Ray” Butts, but Seth Lover of Gibson was also working on one himself. Ray Butts initially developed one on his own and later worked withGretsch.[1] Who developed it first is a matter of some debate, but Ray Butts was awarded the first patent (U.S. Patent 2,892,371) and Seth Lover came next (U.S. Patent 2,896,491). Ultimately, both men developed essentially the same concept, but Ray Butts was never recognized as the one who produced it first.

I wonder why? Say you’re developing an ad campaign in 1955 for cool new noiseless guitar pickups. Here on the one hand you have an inventor named “Lover” working at Gibson, and on the other you have a guy named “Butts” working for Gretsch….

Marky Mark Wants Black Mark Erased

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

Duggar: Holocaust Due To Evolution

(Click the image to read the full story at RawStory.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at RawStory.com)

So Don’t Hold Your Breath

 

She can write her name with help.

She can write her name with help.

Joan Rivers Is Still Talking

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

R.I.P. Joan Rivers

Entertainment Pioneer

Entertainment Pioneer

Rivers Stopped Breathing During Medical Procedure

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

Joan Rivers Rushed To Hospital

(Click the image to read the full story at FoxNews.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at FoxNews.com)

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R.I.P.: Robin Williams

RIPRobinWilliams

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Too Soon?

SpielbergMalaysia

Lewinsky: “I Was A Virgin To…Humiliation”

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

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And Another Giant Passes

RIPABDavis

Just When You Thought He Was Dead

MJHolo

I’ll bet even those fucks over at Coke or Pepsi or whoever set him on fire made money on this.

How Can You Avoid Thinking Of Cigars?

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

Eleven Injured When Circus Equipment Fails

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

Rapper Severs Penis And Attempts To Leap To His Death

(Click the image to read the full story at FoxNews.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at FoxNews.com)

Lohan’s List Of Lovers Lengthens

(Click the image to read the full story at FoxNews.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at FoxNews.com)

I Thought It Was Mickey Roarke

(Click the image for the full story at CNN.com)

(Click the image for the full story at CNN.com)

Nugent: “Mongrel” Comment Wasn’t Racist

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)