He’s Got Priorities

(Click the image for the full story at CNN.com)

(Click the image for the full story at CNN.com)

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They Are Still In Town, Right?

Extremely Personal Foul

(Click the image to read the full story at BleacherReport.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at BleacherReport.com)

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New England Wins Superbowl – Brady Is MVP

BradyDeflated

A Photobomb With Bite

(Click the image to read the full story at Twitter.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at Twitter.com)

Dr. Ablow Says World Cup Is Obama Conspiracy

(Click the image to read the full story at CrooksAndLiars.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at CrooksAndLiars.com)

Dallas Mavericks’ Cuban: Everyone Is Racist

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

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Must Be Something To Do With The Altitude

SeattleWeed

Rodman Returns To North Korea

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

Nyad: Fifth Time’s The Charm

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

Kim Jong Un’s Wife Gives Birth To First Child

Semi-miraculously only 72-hours after meeting Dennis Rodman (Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

Semi-miraculously only 72-hours after meeting Dennis Rodman (Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

Hunter Not-Guilty In Shooting Man He Thought Was A Bear

A photo of the victim taken shortly before the accident. (Click on the image to read the full story at FoxNews.com)

A photo of the victim taken shortly before the accident. (Click on the image to read the full story at FoxNews.com)

Will Golfer Mickelson Leave CA Due To Taxes?

MickelsonTaxes

 

Top golfer Phil Mickelson may leave California because of the tax increases on millionaires caused by passage of state ballot initiative Proposition 30. Proposition 30 raises sales tax 1/4 0f 1 percent for four years, and raises income tax on earnings over $250k for seven years, to fund state schools. The income tax increase will be mostly significant for those making more than $1 million.

Mickelson says his tax bite from state and federal taxes will be 62-to-63 percent, cutting his estimated $47 million earnings in 2012 to a paltry $18 million. Mickelson says he will have to make “drastic changes”, a statement many interpret to mean he will leave California, or possibly even retire from golf because it just isn’t worth the trouble to be a measly millionaire 18 times over.

The rest of California will be sad to see you go, Phil. Oh, and don’t let the border hit you in the ass on the way out.

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Armstrong Confesses To Oprah

ArmstrongLiar

Jordan Foils Terror Plot

 

Basketball great Michael Jordan apparently foiled some sort of terrorist plot on Sunday, according to this CNN report.

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Daredevil Skydiver Jumps From Edge Of Space

NFL Referees Agree To Return To Work

Replacement Refs Wrecking Football Season?

Olympic Snowboarder Shaun White Arrested

To Top It All Off NBC Cuts Musical Acts From Olympics

NBC cut performances by The Who, Ray Davies, Kate Bush, and Muse from their Olympic closing ceremony coverage to air a new program entitled “Animal Practice”. Apparently they felt the musical acts were too good and might clash with the rest of their Olympic presentation.

U.S. Runner Mitchell Finishes Relay With Broken Leg

U.S. runner Manteo Mitchell finished his leg of the 4×400 meter relay with a broken fibula. The U.S. team finished second and qualified for the final on Friday.

Caster Semenya Is Back – And The Olympics Has…Them!

Three years after a gender controversy at the world championships in Berlin stopped…uh…their career in its tracks, South African runner Caster Semenya made, um – their Olympic debut Wednesday. Semenya has progressed to the semifinal of the 800m at the Olympics after finishing second in, ah…their qualifying heat.

Rafalca Romney Places Lucky 13th

Rafalca, the horse co-owned by Mitt Romney’s wife Ann, placed 13th in the first round of the Dressage competition at the London Olympics.

Penn State Removes Paterno Statue

Pennsylvania State University has removed the famous statue of football coach Joe Paterno in the fallout from the Jerry Sandusky child molestation case. Although Paterno informed Penn State officials of Sandusky’s conduct, neither he nor they reported it to authorities. Some feel removing the statue is an over-reaction, and instead Paterno’s pose should have been changed to something more appropriate.

Women’s Tennis To Crack Down On Loud Grunting

Billie Jean King, who famously beat Bobby Riggs in a televised match during the 1970s, was perhaps women’s tennis’ first “grunter”.

The Women’s Tennis Association has announced it will issue handheld “grunt meters” to umpires to measure the loudness of player grunting on the court. Farting will still be allowed, to the dismay of spectators.

Dario Franchitti Wins Third Indy 500

Dario Franchitti is seen here during the traditional “drenching with bull semen” after winning the Indianapolis 500 motor race. Franchitti is only the seventh driver to win three times.

Fans Send Well-Wishes To Soccer Star Who Was Dead For 78 Minutes

Fans at Liverpool's FA Cup quarterfinal against Stoke City send their best wishes to Bolton Wanderers player Fabrice Muamba.

Soccer star Fabrice Muamba suffered a heart attack during an FA Cup match Saturday.  The 23-year-old mid-fielder for the Bolton Wanderers was given 15 cardiac shocks and was technically dead for 78 minutes. He is said to be in good spirits and speaking in both English and French, however all he says is “ass piano” over and over again.

Regarding Vaginal Piercings….

Personally, I don’t want anything in my vaginas that is harder than I am. It’s just a safety issue.

And The Winner Is….

It was a tough competition, and all the players really gave it their all. There was determination, passion, confidence, and true winning spirit exhibited throughout the game. But in the end there can be only one winner, and as usual simplicity and forthrightness took the prize.

The best Super Bowl commercial was the one with the cat-murdering dog who bribed the only witness with Doritos.

At Least 73 Dead In Egypt After Soccer Rioting

Irate soccer fans attacked players, each other, and set the stadium on fire after a match in Port Said. Many people are saying the ruling military council is to blame for not providing enough security, while others wonder how much security would be enough to stop thousands of crazed soccer fanatics from rioting - or why supposed "fans" of a sport would act like such idiots.