Disabled Cruise Ship Towed To Docks


The cruise ship Carnival Triumph was towed to docks in Mobile, Alabama after a fire disabled it during a cruise in the Gulf of Mexico. Passengers and crew were without electricity, running water, or working toilets for several days. People were reduced to defecating into baggies.

“It was horrible. Horrible,” said passenger Janie Esparza. “The bathroom facilities were horrible and we could not flush toilets. No electricity and our rooms were in total darkness. Honestly, think that this ship should have ever sailed out.” When asked if she would ever take another cruise Esparza shook her head. “No way! Our travel agent feels really bad about this, though, and has agreed to send us on another vacation – I have the tickets right here…um, where’s ‘Syria’?”

Gingrich Pounded Into Grits In South

Rick Santorum beat both Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich by a tidy 6% in the Alabama primary. Ron Paul happily brought up the rear, further securing himself a spot in the Fox News lineup as a losing presidential candidate.