Bauer Regrets Comparing Animals To Poor

South Carolina Lt. Gov. André Bauer has apologized for comparing stray animals to poor people after animal rights activists objected. Bauer said the poor are like stray animals that breed because they are ignorant.

“I wish I had chosen a better metaphor” Bauer said. “I’m not against animals – just poor people.”

People for The Ethical Treatment of Animals called Bauer an insensitive “speciesist” (that’s actually a word in the fricking spelling dictionary) for daring to compare animals with the poor.

“Animals don’t stand at street corners and beg” one PETA official said. “They have more dignity than that. At PETA we wouldn’t mind if there was a hunting season for the poor – just not animals. We are 100% in favor of using the poor for research purposes – that’s better than harming monkeys and mice.”