Two Asteroids Will Make Near-Earth Transit Today

Two large asteroids will make very, very close aproaches to Earth on Wednesday. Named Bronson Alpha and Bronson Beta after their South African discoverer, the two “rocks” will pass closer to the Earth than any others in recorded history. The government wishes to assure everyone there is no danger, and rumors the government has built a gigantic “Space Ark” to save politicians and their families are just that: rumors.

Please remain indoors and do not believe anything you see on cable news.

This diagram was mistakenly distributed to people who aren't politicians - please see the corrected diagram at