Rings 200-Times Bigger Than Saturn’s Discovered

Saturn says it’s not the size of your rings, but how you use them that counts.

NASA Claims Moon Crash Was “Intentional”

In what may be the largest single act of C.Y.A. in the galaxy, NASA claims it intentionally crashed its latest mission into the surface of the Moon. The LCROSS Centaur rocket craft hit the Moon’s surface at approximately 4:30 Pacific time on Friday. Just a short time later a second NASA spacecraft also struck the surface, after passing through the ejected debris from the first crash.

NASA has been plagued with such failures in recent years, most spectacularly when a Mars lander crashed because the agency mis-calculated conversions from feet to meters. But this most recent event was passed-off as a “planned event” by NASA officials.

“We really meant to hit the Moon” a top NASA official said without requesting anonymity. “The second craft was designed to pass through the dust plume and search for signs of water. Really. This wasn’t a screw-up!”

The story was widely reported around the world, but was not accepted because as everyone knows there is no water on the Moon (even though it does reportedly resemble a “dirty beach”). NASA has become quite sensitive to such failures, especially since the Mars Spirit and Opportunity rover debacle, when the space agency predicted the rovers would last only weeks, but have in fact been operating for several years.

Astronomers Confirm Discovery Of Rocky Planet

Astronomers confirmed the first discovery of an Earth-like Rocky planet¬†orbiting in another solar system. The planet is roughly twice the size of Earth, but orbits its star at less distance than Mercury orbits the Sun. Astronomer Artie Hatzes was quoted as saying “We would have never dreamed you would find a rocky planet so close. Its year is less than one of our days.”

Using the newly upgraded Hubble Space Telescope, scientists were able to zoom-in on the planet’s surface. They found an advanced civilization composed entirely of over-the-hill boxers who are trying to make a comeback. “Sometimes it’s hard to tell the people from the statues of themselves they seem to put in front of every building. As they all run around in sweats with their clenched fists raised in the air, it can get confusing” Hatzie said.

Astronomers expect to find a nearby Adrienne planet, because “it’s impossible for a Rocky planet to make a comeback without a nearby support system, even though the Rocky planet doesn’t always appreciate the Adrienne planet.”