Alan Greenspan Also Won’t Go Away

What is it with these people? Don’t they know what “unemployed” means? It means “stop – this isn’t your job anymore!” Anyway, ex-(as-in no-longer)-Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan is predicitng 3% economic growth for the third quarter (we presume that’s this year). Earlier he was predicitng a 2.5% growth rate, but revised it because “fractions are so hard to contemplate”.

Ex-(as-in no-longer)-Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan tries to levitate the U.S. economy

Ex-(as-in no-longer)-Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan tries to levitate the U.S. economy

Greenspan also predicted tiny people with wings will start businesses all over the U.S. this winter, requiring massive amounts of labor and lowering unemployment figures “because they’re so tiny they can’t do much for themselves, like carry a cell phone or use a copier”. On the down-side, the glowy golden dust the little people leave behind them will drive-down the precious metals market, more than wiping out any gains.