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Keystone XL Designer Says Pipeline Is Safe

The designer of the controversial Keystone XL pipeline that would deliver beer from Canada to the Gulf of Mexico claims the pipeline is safe. "If it leaks we just all grab straws and start sucking it up" said design engineer Keith Stone.

Study Finds BPA Turns Mice Gay

After a lifetime of swilling soda from BPA-lined cans this mouse no longer wants to explore or mate.

A study conducted at the University of Missouri–Columbia has found that male deer mice exposed to bisphenol A in the womb show signs of “demasculinization” and are less attractive to female deer mice. Bisphenol A, or BPA, is a chemical compound found in some hard plastics and can linings.

“The males were unable to navigate a maze and were ignored by females. They also seemed inordinately fond of watching reruns of ‘Sex In The City’ and Kathy Griffin and Margaret Cho specials on cable” said Cheryl Rosenfeld, Ph.D., the lead author of the study and an associate professor of biomedical sciences at the University. “And Justin Bieber! God, don’t ask about their response to Justin Bieber!”

Vancouver Fans Riot After Losing Stanley Cup

Vancouver Canuck fans rioted in the city’s streets Thursday after the Boston Bruins won the Stanley Cup final 4-0. Furious Canuck fans burned cars, looted stores, and had sex in the middle of the road to protest the fact their team couldn’t beat a bunch of Americans at Canada’s second favorite national sport (the first of course being Freestyle Canoe Dancing).

A hockey game broke-out at a riot in Vancouver B.C. Thursday, and then the riot resumed with traditional car burning.

Some fans took the opportunity to show their support for the team by throwing empty beer bottles at police while chanting the Canadian national anthem “Oh Canada Ice-Bound Appendage Of The United States”. Others decided to mark the event by conceiving a child in the road.

The funny part is these two weren't even at the Stanley Cup final game - they were already doing this when the rioting started.

Police suspect some of the fans may have been drinking, which is a good bet as beer is considered to be a fundamental food group in Canada.

A typical Canadian breakfast

Whale Sharks Hook-Up Off The Coast Of Mexico

Scientists suspect the reason is an abundance of the tiny creatures these huge fish feed on.

Whale sharks eat only tiny sea creatures like shrimp and plankton - they would never touch a dead terrorist.