Gingrich “Suspends” Campaign The Same Way Death “Suspends” Life

Newt “I Could’a Been A Contender” Gingrich announced he is suspending his campaign for the GOP presidential nomination due to a severe case of no longer being able to ignore reality. Gingrich couldn’t quite bring himself to endorse Mitt Romney – he’s probably planning to withhold that plum until he can make a deal to be vice-president or secretary of state.

Biden To Play Key Role In Obama Campaign

Vice President Joe Biden unveils his campaign bus.

Vice President Joe Biden is prepared to play a key role in campaign battleground states “by staying out of them” a source close to the Obama reelection effort revealed.

Biden, who is affectionately known as “Old Foot-in-Mouth” among those close to Obama has been restricted to traveling to Orange County, California “because really, what damage can he do there?” the unnamed source said.

Depressed About Oncoming Campaign Hyperbole?

NEW PAC-ill soothes-away those frustrations and panic-attacks that result from exposure to unregulated PAC advertising. Now in four convenient sizes.

Does the 24-month campaign season get you down? When you see misleading or downright untruthful election advertising do you feel upset, nauseated, or perhaps even get violent? Then NEW PAC-ill is for you! PAC-ill will help you deal with unregulated Political Action Committee advertising that masquerades as non-partisan information. PAC-ill deadens the moral recognition and reasoning parts of the brain, so you can channel-surf with confidence and the knowledge that no matter how outrageous the lies are that corporate-funded PACs spread through the media you won’t care, or even know, that your political system is a huge sucking whore.

PAC-ill comes in four convenient sizes so you can select the amount of calm that’s right for you. Do you work as a campaign organizer? Take the 10 mg “1/2 Truths” size to effectively do your job without becoming enraged at the opposition’s claims your candidate is a tax-and-spend liberal.

Do you work in the news media and have to remain objective even though the crap the candidates are feeding you is unbearabe? Then select the 20 mg “Deceit” or 30 mg “Slander” size so you can resist the urge to doctor quotes claiming a Republican rapes and eats circus midgets.

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PAC-ill – it’s the smart choice for today’s victims of unregulated PAC advertising – and since PACs can now accept unlimited corporate donations you’re going to need all the help you can get.