Pope Approves New “Child-Friendly” Vatican


His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI has approved a new design for the Vatican that incorporates new “child-friendly” features such as the Sandusky Chapel that has a painted ceiling showing Elmo reaching out to a pubescent Adam.

Gay Porn Priest McVeigh Leaves Parish

Father Martin McVeigh accidentally showed gay porn to parents of children preparing for their First Holy Communion. Father McVeigh was giving a Microsoft Powerpoint presentation and the images of nude men were on a memory stick he was using. McVeigh has asked to leave his parish and take sabbatical leave from the priesthood.

McVeigh's presentation took place at a grade school in Pomeroy, County Tyrone, Northern Ireland in March. Church officials are actively investigating the case. Attendees at the presentation said they were "horrified" at what they saw, except for two fellows in the third row who simply giggled profusely.


Nationwide Protests Of Obama Contraceptive Mandate

Opponents of the Obama administration's HHS mandate that requires Catholic organizations to provide contraceptive services to their employees took part in protests across the nation on Friday.

Pope Complains About Belgian Child Abuse Raid

His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI said a raid on the Belgian offices of the Catholic Church Friday was “deplorable”. The Vatican alleges the tombs of two cardinals were “violated” as the police searched for evidence in child sexual abuse cases.

The Pope was especially distraught that the raid might cut-off the flow of child porn from Belgium, claiming “it’s the highest quality stuff – the children tend to be white which is much better than the brown and yellow kind you get from overseas”.

The Pope addresses the situation in Belgium from a window at the Vatican.