To celebrate the twentieth anniversary of the World Wide Web CERN will reconstruct the very first Web page ever published back in 1993. A team of translators and digital archaeologists have determined that the page reads “ERROR 404: The tablet you have requested is unavailable. Reasons for this may include the tablet is being re-inscribed, the tablet was dropped and is broken, or there may be too many people trying to read the tablet. Please try again later.”
A recent announcement by scientists at the CERN high-energy physics laboratory concerning the Higgs boson, or “God particle” as it is popularly known, has upset many people in the religious community. People from all faiths have come together to criticize the announcement that evidence of the Higgs boson has been found.
“God is not a particle!” members of the Westboro Baptist Church said. “God is an old man with a long beard who lives in the sky, wears a dress, and hates fags! That’s why he kills soldiers! The logic is inescapable!”
“The idea that God is a tiny particle of sub-atomic energy that imparts mass is insulting – this makes God responsible for obesity – and God is not fattening!” cried members of the American Rabbi and Garment Manufacturers Association, adding “Where did you get that suit? Did you pay retail for that?”
And several imams claimed the idea that there is a “God particle” proves the corrupting influence of Western society on Muslims and legitimizes jihad – along with Dolly Parton and “American Idol”: “Any of these alone would be enough for us to hate the West, even though quite a number of us live there!”
The groups then began arguing about just how big God is, and what size suit he might wear, quickly resorting to fisticuffs.