Report: Holder Knew About Petraeus Affair

Fox News is reporting that Attorney General Eric Holder has known since late summer of the affair between CIA Director Gen. David Petraeus and writer Paula Broadwell. Many find it unbelievable that President Barack Obama only learned of the situation last Thursday in light of the revelations of Holder’s knowledge of the revelations of Petraeus’ affair.

“The timing between the President’s reelection and the start of the hearings into the CIA role in the Benghazi, Libya attacks is totally coincidental” a White House source said, adding “and even if it wasn’t what is anyone going to do about it now? The election is over! Nya nya nya nya nya!”

Petraeus met Broadwell, who is is appropriately named, when the much younger woman approached him as the subject of her graduate dissertation. Once Petraeus was put in command of U.S. forces in Afghanistan Broadwell traveled there and was, ahem, embedded with the general’s staff.

Cheney Calls Torture Probe “Political”

Former (as in “no longer”) Vice President Dick “Dick” Cheney said the Obama administration decision to investigate “enhanced interrogation techniques” is politically motivated. Speaking on Fox News Sunday, Cheney said the investigation is “a witch hunt, in which I am the witch which is being hunted, which is being disguised as an attempt to answer which is which: interrogation techniques which work vs. ones which don’t, which is a stupid question which should not be asked.”

Cheney greets Obama at the Inauguration

Cheney greets Obama at the Inauguration

Cheney, who should have shut-up six months ago as most former (as in “no longer”) Vice Presidents do after leaving office, is worried about his and former (as in “no longer”) Presdent George Bush’s political legacy. “Do we want a Bush administration that will be remembered for being perky, fiesty, spunky, and perhaps a little casual in the handling of firearms? Or do we want one remembered for how many high officials were convicted of war crimes – say like me, for instance?” the former ex-ex-Vice President asked.

Cheney appeared on the Fox program while in-between flights on his way to the annual meeting of “Chief Executives Who Won’t Shut-Up And Go Away Like They’re Supposed To”, or CEWWSUGALTST, an organization founded by former (as in “no longer”) President Jimmy Carter. This year’s featured speaker is former (you fill it in) President Bill Clinton, who will address the rather exclusive audience on the subject of “Getting The Old Rag-and-Bone Out Of The House: The Advantages Of Spouses Running For High Office”.