From The Diary Of Osama bin Laden #2

May 1, 2011

Dear Diary,

My wives keep nagging me to take them out. “We never go anywhere!” they whine, and needle me with “What happened to the fun-loving Jihadi we married?” I keep telling them we can’t leave the compound – we’re in hiding for Allah’s sake! Of course I would love to make a night of it in Islamabad, just to have a good meal – I mean the only pizza place that delivers here is Domino’s! Their crust sucks!

Oh! There is the door bell! Maybe it’s the courier with some new porn!

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From The Diary Of Osama bin Laden #1

April 28 2011

Dear Diary,

Why have they not voted Kirstie Alley off of “Dancing With The Stars”? I have camels that are more graceful! It’s a conspiracy – they are rigging the voting because her weight loss is good PR! This is just the kind of thing that makes me wish death to America!