Katy Perry And Russell Brand To Divorce After One Year

Pop superstar Katy Perry and British comedian Russel Brand married in 2010 at a ceremony held in India. They will divorce at a ceremony to be held in a court room in Los Angeles.

Pop music superstar Katy Perry and her coattail-riding husband of one year Russell Brand have announced their marriage is over and they will be divorced.

“Really, it was no single thing that has caused this” a glamorous yet demure Perry said. “It’s no one’s fault. I just couldn’t take any more of his odd behavior. Or his drinking and drug addiction. Or his philandering. Or the fact he is a talentless nobody who has tried to make a career for himself on my contacts and money. I also couldn’t take the way he smells a single day longer. You know how a fish smells when it’s been left out in the sun for three or four days, and then stuffed inside a truck tire and driven across the country, and then stored inside the rotting intestines of a dead goat for several weeks? It’s like that, but worse.”

Gingrich Lies About First Divorce

GOP presidential hopeful Newt "What Me Worry?" Gingrich has been married three times.

In addition to his campaign woes, like not qualifying for the primary ballot in his home state of Virginia, and losing ground to both Mitt Romney and Ron Paul in polls, newly discovered court documents contradict Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich’s claims that he did not want to divorce his first wife.

Gingrich’s official website disputes claims he left his first wife, and that in fact it was his wife Jackie Gingrich who initiated divorce proceedings, apparently from her hospital bed where she was recovering from cancer surgery. Gingrich and his daughter, also named Jackie, also dispute that Mrs. Gingrich #1 was suffering from cancer at the time.

Of course Gingrich also disputes the fact that the Congress of the United States of America found him guilty of ethics violations when he was a member, and that he was paid $1.6 million dollars for lobbying efforts on behalf of the Freddie Mac mortgage organization (because he doesn’t call himself a lobbyist, therefore how can he be one?).

Gingrich also insists that as President he would not be bound by Supreme Court decisions, nor by the Constitution, nor the Bill of Rights, nor common decency – because he hasn’t paid any attention to those things in the past, so there’s precedent for being a scumbag dictator.