Large Earthquake Strikes Near Van, Turkey

The heavy quake was centered near the city of Van in eastern Turkey.

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Washington Monument Declared Structurally Sound

The National Park Service says that while the Washington Monument was damaged in a recent earthquake "it's fine structurally - it's just as solid as the dollar!"

Workers Deploy Radiation Shield At Japanese Reactor

A super high-tech radiation shield developed by 3M was deployed at the damaged Fukushima nuclear plant Thursday in an effort to stop radiation leakage. The shield, made of a special flexible, light weight blue material, was gently lifted into place by members of the “Fukushima Fifty”: plant workers who have volunteered to stay-on at the plant in the face of high levels of radioactivity. “We have spared no expense in providing these brave people with the tools they need to get the job done” a Japanese offcial said.

Workers at the damaged Fukushima nuclear plant deploy a special radiation shield.

Pat Robertson Explains Haitian Earthquake

The Reverend Pat Robertson said today the earthquake that has devastated the city of Port Au Prince in Haiti is due to a Haitian pact with Satan, and has nothing to do with tectonic activity spurred by the sliding action of continental plates.

In his daily radio broadcast Robertson said Haiti was “under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III and whatever, and they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, ‘We will serve you if you will get us free from the French.’ True story. And so, the devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal.’ ”

Really. He said that. Out loud and over the airwaves where people could hear.

Pat Robertson explains the local culture in Haiti

In the past he has linked terrorist attacks on the United States to abortion. Robertson also believes traffic fatalities are God’s punishment for “slowing down when the light is yellow, like you can’t beat it before it turns red – man I hate it when people do that, because if I’m behind them I’m sure God will let me through the intersection even if it does turn red”.

Robertson has also claimed that breast augmentation is proof that evolutionry science is wrong: “If we were evolving then obviously women would just evolve bigger hooters, since that’s obviously a desirable survival trait. But women have to get an operation – an operation that God gave surgeons the ability to perform, because God wants bigger hooters but He also wants us to help ourselves.”