Goldline Charged With Fraud

Goldline's Web site features endorsements from some top media stars, and Mark Levin.

Goldline International, Inc. has been charged by the Santa Monica city attorney with “bait and switch” tactics, the Los Angeles Times reports (and coincidentally the story has an ad for Goldline embedded in it). The charges state that Goldline advertised the sale of gold bullion, but then convinced customers to buy gold coins at a huge mark-up over market cost.

Goldline has long been represented by media personalities such as Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, and some guy named Mark Levin. Financial gurus like Bernie Madoff and Michael Milken also call the company “a solid source of income for myself”.

While Fox News would be the first to call for the resignation of journalists in the liberal media, say at CNN, who associated themselves with fraudulent business activities, no one expects the same standard to apply to Fox’s own commentators. “We’ve been reporting fake news for years, so what’s the big deal?” asked Fox head Roger Ailes.

Latest Health Threat

Fox News is now required to carry this health warning whenever "Fox and Friends" anchor Gretchen Carlson is on-screen.

Tea Party Thinking About A Boehner Enema

The Tea Party isn’t pleased with Boehner’s behind-the-scenes attempts to squirm out of driving the country to the poor house.

A screen grab from FoxNews.com.

FoxNipple.com

Anyone who has the stomach to visit FoxNews.com on a regular basis knows they prominently feature more T&A than all other news sites combined. It’s just another of those Fox Features that says “tabloid” in large bleeding letters. But I think we may have reached a milestone of sorts. Today, FoxNews.com ran its “Fox 411” gossip column with a story about one of Charlie Sheen’s professional girlfriends appearing in Playboy magazine.

This is a screen grab of the "Fox 411" column about ex-Charlie Sheen "goddess" Bree Olson's appearance in Playboy. Two sections of the article are set side-by-side in this otherwise un-mucked-with image.

It’s the shot on the right that puts Fox over-the-top here: that’s real pink nipple you see under her diaphanous raiment. Here’s a stunning close-up:

The fine little pucker-button in question.

Now is one little nipple a big deal on the porn-drenched Internet? Not really – unless it appears on a site that has about a dozen conservative pundits who invoke their diamond-hard belief in “family values” about 80 times a day.

I once kept statistics on the amount of tits and ass on FoxNews.com as compared with CNN, ABC,NBC,CBS, and PBS. Fox ran nearly SIX TIMES more boobs-‘n-buns than the closest competitor (CNN) over the course of a month. The reason why is obvious: people aren’t going to a media outlet featuring the likes of Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly for the intellectual stimulation.

Ron Paul Says He Won’t Run For Re-election To Congress

Rep. Ron Paul (R - Texas) announces he will not seek re-election to congress as he pursues the 2012 GOP presidential candidacy.

Obama Ditches Debt Scalpel For Chainsaw

U.S. President Barack Obama has apparently decided to sacrifice the poor, the disabled, and the elderly in order to cut a deal with congressional conservatives on the national debt.

Further revealing himself to be a weak administrator without any vision or spine, President Barack Obama appears to have caved-in to congressional conservatives demands for severe spending cuts that will harm those least able to bear the brunt of budget cuts: those dependent on Medicare and programs such as food stamps.

Congressional conservatives led by House Speaker John Boehner of Ohio see the impending debt crisis as an opportunity to secure tax cuts for their corporate owners at the expense of the nation’s poor. Obama is apparently willing to collude with them in order to get the national debt ceiling raised before an August deadline, when the U.S. will go into default on loans unless congress agrees to increase the allowed national debt.

Rather than increasing taxes on the 400 individuals who own almost 1/2 of the nation’s wealth, Republicans want to make severe spending cuts that will jeopardize the health and livelihoods of millions of poor and elderly Americans dependent of government aid and living on fixed incomes – the very people who elected Obama to office as the nation’s first black President in what many saw as a referendum on eight years of failed conservative policies.

Obama has blinked in the light of conservative resistance before on such issues as health care, seemingly more interested in quick results than substantive policy. He seems far more concerned with establishing a track record of legislative resolutions than on standing by the promises he made to voters just two years ago.

And that’s no joke.

Bachmann Compares Herself To Serial Killer

GOP presidential candidate Michele Bachmann confused John Wayne the actor with John Wayne Gacy the serial killer.

GOP presidential candidate Michele Bachmann said “I want them [voters] to know just like John Wayne is from Waterloo Iowa, that’s the spirit I have too,” while being interviewed on Fox News on Sunday. The only problem with that is John Wayne is from Winterset, Iowa, where the legendary actor was born. It was serial killer and evil clown painter John Wayne Gacy who lived in Bachmann’s home town of Waterloo.

When it was pointed out to Bachmann that she had made a mistake by comparing herself to the serial killer, she replied “No I didn’t”.

Michele Bachmann Says Family Didn’t Benefit From Govt Aid

GOP presidential candidate Michele Bachmann explains how government money that went to her family doesn't make her a hypocrite when she talks about being a fiscal conservative.

GOP and Tea Party candidate Michele Bachmann told a Fox News interviewer she has a “titanium spine for doing what we need to do” and a “fiberglass anus for bullshitting the American people”.

Bachmann addressed a Los Angeles Times report that her family has received government aid by claiming the money did not directly benefit her family. Her husband’s counseling business received approximately $30,000 for “employee training”, but Bachmann says that didn’t benefit him because “he wouldn’t have spent his own money on employee training – so he didn’t save anything there.”

Bachmann’s father-in-law received approximately $260,000 to help his farm, but Bachmann says “that money was to keep him from growing corn, because if he had grown corn there would have been more corn on the market, and the price of corn would have gone down, so he would have lost money on corn, if he had grown any”. Bachmann’s father-in-law died in 2009, but the congresswoman remains a partner in the farm.

Bachmann paints herself as an anti-deficit, anti-welfare, anti-Medicare, anti-human fiscal conservative. She has often criticized President Barack Obama’s “stimulus” policies, while at the same time she requested stimulus funding for her congressional district. She has also said that congressional “pork” is perhaps the biggest problem in Washington today, but said her own earmarks for transportation funds aren’t pork: “They’re maybe bologna – but all-beef, and maybe a little turkey – but no pork!”

Trump Says He Won’t Run In 2012

Millionaire mogul and reality television star Donald Trump stunned almost no one when he announced he is not running for the Republican presidential nomination in 2012. The well-known self-aggrandizing blowhard said his heart just wasn’t in it. This comes only two days after Mike Huckabee announced he would not run, also due to heart problems.

Trump made headlines and cable news appearances as he badgered President Barack Obama into releasing his “long form” birth certificate, and then questioned the President’s intelligence and qualifications to attend Harvard. When these annoying ploys finally started to hurt Trump’s TV ratings (his integrity was never in question – he has none) he backed-down from his attacks on Obama, and has now admitted he isn’t in any way, by any stretch of the imagination, a serious candidate for the presidency.

Which didn’t keep right-wing Republicans and Libertarians from supporting him. But then, their sense of reality is almost as “real” as Trump’s TV show.

Trump's hair and clothing were disappointed by his decision not to run.

Gingrich Doesn’t Want To Be Judged By His Past

GOP presidential contender Newt Gingrich says he should be judged on the present and not the past. This is probably because his past involves so many corrupt financial dealings and unethical business deals, and trophy-wife trade-ins, plus the hypocrisy of criticizing Bill Clinton for having an affair with an intern, while Gingrich himself was having an affair with a congressional staff member, and later claiming it was due to his passionate love for his country that he cheated on his wife and made himself a public political jerk-wad.

Newt Gingrich today: hoping you won't have the brains to realize what a corrupt lying weasel he is.

Newt Gingrich in school: No one can say he didn't live up to expectations.

Huckabee Says He Won’t Run

Fox News personality Mike Huckabee announced he will not seek the 2012 presidential candidacy for the Republican Party. “All the factors say go, but my heart says no,” Huckabee, who was considered the GOP frontrunner in several Fox News polls, said on his Fox News Channel show. His heart problems probably include taking-on GOP poster-boy Newt Gingrich, President Obama’s popularity since killing Osama bin Laden, and the usual ephemeral life-span of snowballs in Hell.

Mike Huckabee explains the difficulty of running for President of the United States if you haven't killed the most wanted terrorist on Earth.

Ron Paul immediately announced he will run for the third losing time.

Ron Paul apparently has fewer heart problems, and is slightly less intelligent.

Iowa Minutemen Upset About School Security Drill

Here’s a story over on FoxNews.com about how some Iowa gun nuts are pissed-off with a school security exercise. Apparently the mock shooting scenario involves a racist student with a gun shooting another student.

Robert Ussery, state director of Iowa Minutemen said “I believe it’s politically motivated, it’s wrong and it’s a slap in the fact to any person that loves our country and is concerned about our border security.”

Let’s get Aristotelian here.

A: If you are going to go on a killing spree you probably own a gun, and if you own a gun you are probably pro-gun ownership.
B: If you are going on a racially motivated killing spree it’s a good guess you might be a racist.

I don’t think the implication is that all gun owners are insane racists, just that most insane racists are probably gun owners.

However, if you belong to an organization that is strongly opposed to illegal immigration, that “patrols” the border (I guess the one with Missouri) while armed, and that calls itself “Minutemen” (maybe it’s a sexual reference), the chances that you are a racist, gun-toting idiot are probably somewhere near 100%. You have to wonder what Mr. Ussery is against: the portrayal of a school shooter as a “Minuteman”-type crazy person, or the idea there is something wrong with shooting people who aren’t white.

Fair, Balanced, And Full Of Shit?

CNN reporter Nic Robertson seems pretty pissed-off about Fox News claims he and other journalists were used as “human shields” by the Libyan government. Far be it from me to imply that Fox will take any opportunity to smear real journalists in their attempts to appear to be an actual news source. Well, actually, I guess it’s more like “near be it from me”. Because Fox News will go to almost any extreme to smear real journalists in their attempts to appear to be an actual news source. Kind of the same way they will go to any lengths to smear any presidential candidate who doesn’t work for them.

Well-Wishers Cause Giffords To Cry

Rep. Gabrielle Giffords was transferred to a physical rehabilitation facility today, and greetings from people along the ambulance route reportedly caused the wounded member of congress to “tear up”. Giffords was wounded by a crazed gunman two weeks ago in Tucson, Arizona.

Sources report the House Speaker John Boehner (pronounced “boner”) also cried as Giffords was transported, although they say he was in Washington, D.C. at the time. Boehner received a letter from Publishers’ Clearinghouse that informed him he may have already won $1,000,000.00. “He just went to pieces” and unnamed source said.

Yet More Stiffing

FoxNews.com has a surprisingly lengthy stiff list slide show starting with Art Clokey, inventor of Gumby, and ending with the twin brothers who took part in the first organ transplant. And a slew of famous dead folks in-between.

Glenn Beck Details His Handling Of Historic Documents

While some critics are saying Glenn Beck lied about holding the original hand-written speech George Washington delivered at his inaugural, Beck himself claims to have had contact with many more historic U.S. documents.

Glenn Beck details his intimate experiences with American history.

More Hard-Hitting Exposes From Fox News

Featured on today’s FoxNews.com front page, fair and balanced coverage of more tits and ass then you can shake a…uh, stick at.

Of course what would a Monday be without Fox’s regular “Maxim Monday” feature, where the latest social issues are analysed:

You should see her opinion on taxes!

You should see her opinion on taxes!

 

And of course Fox always has the most knowledgable experts to help you understand difficult legislation and policy questions:

And her nipples agree!

And her nipples agree!

Barbi Twins Strip To Save Pussies

Thank God for this fair and balanced report from Fox News! Fox is always in the forefront of serious entertainment reporting – why this week alone they’ve had features on how fat Kirstie Alley is, which stars have the best bikini bodies, and I’m pretty-sure there was something about who looks best with no underwear on when exiting a limo.

There's no way this is just an excuse to funnel traffic to the Barbi Twins site, and provide yet another T&A link on Fox News.

There's no way this is just an excuse to funnel traffic to the Barbi Twins site, and provide yet another T&A link on Fox News.

There is absolutely no possibility that this “Fox 411” feature could be designed to get traffic through Fox News by offering links to pictures of the quite anatomically amazing Barbi Twins. The Twins’ Web site offers various critical social commentaries on eating disorders, animal rights, and how to arch your back so far you could give yourself scoliosis. Not to mention the importance of lubricants when posing under hot lights. Thanks, Fox News!