R.I.P. Russell Johnson

Now only Ginger and Mary Ann are left on the island! I always suspected they were lesbians – otherwise why were the Professor, the Skipper, and Gilligan in such a hurry to escape?

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Marianne Gingrich Interview To Air On ABC

GOP candidate Newt "Pass Me A New Wife" Gingrich responds to the news that his ex-wife Marianne has done an interview on ABC's "Nightline" program.

Marianne Gingrich, the second ex-wife of former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, has recorded an interview for ABC news that will air on the network’s “Nightline” program Thursday.

“The content is so explosive and profane we have to run it late at night. If kids were to hear this stuff they would probably bite their own wrists in an attempt to remove themselves from such a sick and disgusting world” an ABC spokesperson said.

The interview comes right after the wreck of the Costa Concordia cruise ship off the coast of Italy. “That’s no coincidence” an ABC insider reports. “The captain of the Costa Concordia, Francesco Schettino, figures in Mrs. Gingrich’s interview. You see, he was responsible for stranding Marianne on an island with six other people Gingrich wanted to get rid of. They just escaped from the island on a raft, and were picked-up by the Costa Concordia. It was coincidence that Schettino was commanding the cruise ship at the time, and wrecked it in an attempt to cover-up his and Newt Gingrich’s complicity in stranding the seven castaways.”

GraceLessLand has determined the people stranded on the island included another ship’s captain, his first mate, a millionaire and his wife, a movie star, a professor, and Marianne Gingrich. The others’ connection with Newt Gingrich is not known at this time, but they were apparently lured onto a small craft by the promise of a short tour, possibly as short as three hours in duration. Fortunately all the passengers brought enough luggage for a much longer voyage, or they might not have survived.

“It was batteries they screwed-up on” our source said. “They brought enough changes of clothes – thirty or forty of the exact same outfits – but there weren’t any batteries for the radio, the cell phones, the flash lights, and the GPS transponder they had with them. There were literally no phones, no lights, no motor cars – not a single luxury.”

Fear Of Gilligan’s Island

“I thought I was going to die, we were so high up, I thought to myself: I hope we don’t crash and burn or worse yet landing in the ocean, living through it, only to be eaten by sharks, or worse yet, end up on some place like Gilligan’s Island, stranded, or worse yet, be eaten by a tribe of headhunters, speaking of headhunters, why do they just eat outsiders, and not the family members? Strange … and what if the plane ripped apart in mid-flight and we plumited (sic) to earth, landed on Gilligan’s Island and then lived through it, and the only woman there was Mrs. Thurston Howell III? No Mary Anne (my favorite) no Ginger, just Lovey! If it were just her, I think I’d opt for the sharks, maybe the headhunters.”

This is a note handed to an airline flight attendant by a nervous passenger. The flight was turned back to it’s original airport because you don’t just fuck around when people are talking about “Gilligan’s Island” at 30,000 feet!