Ex-Vice President Dick “Dick” Cheney says “I am still concerned about the fact that, I think a lot of the techniques that we had used to keep the country safe for more than seven years are no longer available. That they’ve been sort of taken off the table, if you will.” Cheney said he’ll miss weekends at the Guantanamo prison camp where “I spent many enjoyable hours electrocuting Muslim genitalia. There’s just nothing quite like that sizzle of terrorist scrotum!”
Former (as in “no longer”) Vice President Dick “Dick” Cheney said the Obama administration decision to investigate “enhanced interrogation techniques” is politically motivated. Speaking on Fox News Sunday, Cheney said the investigation is “a witch hunt, in which I am the witch which is being hunted, which is being disguised as an attempt to answer which is which: interrogation techniques which work vs. ones which don’t, which is a stupid question which should not be asked.”
Cheney, who should have shut-up six months ago as most former (as in “no longer”) Vice Presidents do after leaving office, is worried about his and former (as in “no longer”) Presdent George Bush’s political legacy. “Do we want a Bush administration that will be remembered for being perky, fiesty, spunky, and perhaps a little casual in the handling of firearms? Or do we want one remembered for how many high officials were convicted of war crimes – say like me, for instance?” the former ex-ex-Vice President asked.
Cheney appeared on the Fox program while in-between flights on his way to the annual meeting of “Chief Executives Who Won’t Shut-Up And Go Away Like They’re Supposed To”, or CEWWSUGALTST, an organization founded by former (as in “no longer”) President Jimmy Carter. This year’s featured speaker is former (you fill it in) President Bill Clinton, who will address the rather exclusive audience on the subject of “Getting The Old Rag-and-Bone Out Of The House: The Advantages Of Spouses Running For High Office”.