Last Charges Against Edwards Dropped

Federal prosecutors have decided not to pursue further legal action against John Edwards, and have dropped all remaining charges against him. Edwards was found mostly-not-guilty of campaign finance fraud in a sensational trial last month.

Edwards Verdict: Acquittal, Sort-Of

John Edwards’ trial for campaign finance abuses ended in an acquittal on one charge of accepting illegal campaign contributions, and a mistrial on three other counts of accepting campaign contributions, one count of falsifying documents and one of conspiring to receive and conceal illegal contributions. Edwards admitted to receiving almost a million dollars from donors that was used to cover-up the existence of a pregnant mistress.

Cheri Young Testifies About Edward’s Love Child

Cheri Young, wife of Andrew Young the former aide to John Edwards, testified that she and her husband were in a McDonald's drive-through when her husband told her he was going to claim Edward's love child as his own.

The wife of a former aide to one-time presidential candidate John Edwards testified that she and her husband were in a McDonald’s drive-through when Andrew Young told her he was going to claim the candidate’s mistress and love child as his own.

“I was mad. I was upset. Of course I said, ‘Absolutely Not!’ I screamed at him. I cursed at him.” But Cheri Young said she went along with the plan after a conference call between herself, her husband, Edwards, and mistress Rielle Hunter. “They explained to me how John’s presidency would be good for the country, how important it was that the campaign keep going, and exactly how much money there was in it for me.”

She said Edwards assured her that using nearly a million dollars in donations to hide his pregnant mistress during the 2008 presidential campaign was legal. “Of course I believed him, because it was a lot of money” Young said.

The Young’s brought Rielle Hunter into their home as a guest to hide her from the media. She said Hunter was an expensive guest, recalling one episode with Hunter at a diner in Aspen, Colorado, when Hunter complained that her Reuben sandwich had the wrong sauce and then called her spiritual adviser and healer for help.

Cheri Young claims she and her husband wrote several checks, including one for $8,000, to help Hunter pay for her spiritual adviser’s services, although on reflection she thinks Hunter may have just been talking into the phone without actually calling anyone.

Edwards is charged with numerous offenses including breaking campaign finance laws, fraud, and would be charged with being a total dickwad if that were illegal. The defense claims the donations were private money from friends who wanted to spare Edwards’ cancer-stricken wife from finding out about the affair. “It really had nothing to do with the entire country finding-out John Edwards was a lying scumbag” Edwards attorney said.

John Edwards Wants His Sex Tape Preserved

Disgraced politician John Edwards, who was once a candidate for vice president, has asked a judge to stop his ex-mistress and mother of his child Reille Hunter from destroying a videotape of the pair having sex.

Disgraced politician John Edwards, who was once a candidate for vice president, has asked a judge to stop his ex-mistress and mother of his child Reille Hunter from destroying a videotape of the pair having sex.

Edwards Admits He Fathered Child

After a year of denials Former U.S. Sen. John Edwards of North Carolina has admitted he fathered a child with his mistress during┬áhis 2008 presidential nomination campaign. “I will do everything in my power to provide her with the love and support she deserves,” Edwards said, adding “as long as you define love as complete absence and support as monetary payments that I’m pretty sure will be tax deductible.”

Edwards’ political career came to a screeching halt after he admitted to the affair. His marriage also imploded, as did any credibility he may have once had with the American people. Edwards was the running mate for former Vice President Al Gore in the 2000 elections that were awarded to George W. Bush after an appeal to the courts.

Gore commented “this should be no real problem for John, as long as he realizes no one will ever take him seriously again. I certainly hope his relationship with his daughter will have a small carbon footprint, perhaps that will put some positive spin on things, although I know I’ll never go near him again now that he is a political pariah. He should have followed President Clinton’s example and only engaged in oral sex and tobacco product invagination.”

Cast adrift politically and alone and friendless in the cold world of partisan politics, Edwards is considering his career options. He is in talks with Fox for a reality show with the Octomom based on Edwards attempting to curry favor with her 15 children who have the power to vote him off the North American continent, sending him to a small island in the South Pacific where he will try to convince the local aboriginal population that, no, he isn’t that John Edwards and no, he doesn’t have Monica Lewinski’s cell number. If they believe him they won’t eat him.

“It’s really not that different from politics” Edwards said.