He Didn’t Say Wall

Donald Trump never said he wants to build a “wall” at the US/Mexico border. He said Wal-Mart! It’s a unique new economic model where each facility will have doors for workers on the Mexican side of the border, and doors for customers on the US side. In a direct one-to-one relationship each US citizen will have a Mexican national to manufacture all the cheap junk they buy. You’ll actually know the name of your underpaid industrial slave.

It’s a win-win situation: the workers get jobs so they want to stay on the Mexican side, and US companies get huge breaks on their labor costs so they’ll want to stay on the US side. And did I mention the people on the Mexican side will want to stay on the Mexican side? So that’s like a win-win-win situation.

Mexico Weaponizes Salsa


UN calls for moratorium on SMD (sauces of mass destruction). President Obama says he was unaware of the deadly condiment until he saw it on the news. Karl Rove calls revelation the biggest disaster in his lifetime. House GOP vows to investigate the administration’s involvement with sending cilantro to Mexico City.

Whale Sharks Hook-Up Off The Coast Of Mexico

Scientists suspect the reason is an abundance of the tiny creatures these huge fish feed on.

Whale sharks eat only tiny sea creatures like shrimp and plankton - they would never touch a dead terrorist.

Paris, Mexico

Paris Hilton was surprised to find out Mexico isn’t a U.S. state. The heiress-turned-TV star, who was in Mexico on Tuesday to promote a new line of shoes, says she doesn’t fear being overshadowed by Kim Kardashian or any other reality show rival with her own fragrance, B-movies, sex tape, autobiography, drug habit, reputation as a hard-partying slut, and criminal record.

“I’m the original – I think that I have the best style and I know fashion. The girls all love my style. When they buy my products they can be like me. I’m a goddamn inspiration!”

Paris Hilton has her picture taken with people she thinks do her yard work and laundry.