Lindsay Lohan was arrested in New York after leaving the scene of an accident in which she allegedly hit a pedestrian.
Lohan entered the parking area of the Dream Hotel in her 2010 Porsche Cayenne shortly after midnight, police said. The hotel shares a driveway with a restaurant. Police allege that as Lohan was entering she hit a restaurant employee.
Lohan allegedly continued into the driveway and parked her car, leaving the scene of the accident. When Lohan was arrested she was heard to complain “you mean I have to stop and report an accident every time I run someone over in a parking lot? Do you have any idea how often that happens?”
Five years after disappearing from its home in Colorado, a cat named Willow has been found in New York City. Willow had dreams of becoming an actress, but fell on hard times and became a homeless crack addict turning tricks in alleyways. After being apprehended Willow was identified and reunited with her family.
At a fundraising appearance in New York President Barack Obama declared his support for equal rights for gay couples – without actually using the contentious word “marriage”.
“I believe that gay couples deserve the same legal rights as every couple in this country,” Obama said, while adding “as long as it’s not called the same thing it’s called for everyone else – I’m not an idiot, after all, and I know there are some people who are so ignorant and shallow they just want to reserve the word ‘marriage’ for themselves. It helps make them feel superior. And if that’s what it takes to cow-tow to the left while still getting money from the center, well, let’s just say I’m not above playing to both sides.”
Obama spoke on the same day the New York legislature passed a bill authorizing same-sex marriage throughout the state – the sixth and largest state to do so. “If this were some state below the Mason-Dixon line, I wouldn’t even be talking about this, because I want to remain President of the United States, and I know the best way to do that is to avoid being wholly committed to any issue.”
Obama went on to say he’s prepared to appear to fight a little for what he claims to believe in: “I’ll back equal rights for gay couples the same way I backed health care reform: half-heartedly, partially, and fully prepared to back-down at the slightest hint of political resistance from the Republicans.”
At one point the “Libyan Strongman” said American President Barack Obama was his son “and Pam Anderson is my daughter – not adopted mind you, the real thing. Also I am the step-brother of Pat Sajak. I’m not sure how Vanna fits into that.”
Gadhafi also complained about his accomodations in New York: “These Kampground of America places, they’re awful. Never enough room for my women and my camels. And the prices!”