The Joint Select Committee on Deficit Reduction has announced it will hold its first meeting on September 8. The members will make opening statements and decide on committee rules.
“This first meeting is very important because it sets the tone for ones that follow” said co-chair Rep. Jeb Hensarling (R-Texas). “We’ll be deciding who gets the comfortable chairs and who gets the ones with the broken casters and the loose armrests. I’m also going to propose a rule that the Democrats can’t speak unless they first say ‘Mother may I’ – which I think is fair.”
Co-chair Sen. Patty Murray (D-Washington) announced “Democrats will present a united front: we shall unanimously cave-in to all Republican demands. The President has given us strict instructions on this. The strategy is to say it’s all their fault when everything goes to Hell, as it inevitably will no matter what we do.”
About two weeks after this first meeting the committee will hold its first hearing on “The History and Drivers of Our Nation’s Debt and How Much Longer Will People Put Up With Our Political Bullshit Before They Rise In An ‘Arab Spring’-Style Revolt?”. The first witnesses will be Dr. Douglas Elmendorf, director of the Congressional Budget Office, and Muammar Gaddafi, Pretty-Much Ex-Dictator of Libya.