Romney Says He Isn’t Concerned For “Very Poor”

Leading Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney said in an interview with CNN Wednesday “I’m not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there. If it needs repair, I’ll fix it. I’m not concerned about the very rich; they’re doing just fine. I’m concerned about the very heart of America, the 90%, 95% of Americans right now who are struggling, and I’ll continue to take that message across the nation.”

Democrat pundits quickly pounced on the statement, calling it a moment of honesty in which Romney revealed the GOP attitude toward the poor: they aren’t going to vote Republican anyway, so who cares?

Struggling second-place candidate Newt Gingrich was quick to assert his ultra-conservative credentials in the wake of Romney’s statement. “I’m the only true conservative in this race” Gingrich said. “No one cares less about poor people than me!”

Bauer Regrets Comparing Animals To Poor

South Carolina Lt. Gov. André Bauer has apologized for comparing stray animals to poor people after animal rights activists objected. Bauer said the poor are like stray animals that breed because they are ignorant.

“I wish I had chosen a better metaphor” Bauer said. “I’m not against animals – just poor people.”

People for The Ethical Treatment of Animals called Bauer an insensitive “speciesist” (that’s actually a word in the fricking spelling dictionary) for daring to compare animals with the poor.

“Animals don’t stand at street corners and beg” one PETA official said. “They have more dignity than that. At PETA we wouldn’t mind if there was a hunting season for the poor – just not animals. We are 100% in favor of using the poor for research purposes – that’s better than harming monkeys and mice.”