Other Gratuitous Game Ideas

Every weekend I get an email from Stardock announcing what’s for sale, and last weekend it was “Gratuitous Space Battles”. This is brilliant: no story, no rhyme, no reason, just lots of shooting/exploding space hardware all over the screen. This brings us to the possibility of other “Gratuitous” games:

  • “Gratuitous Oral Sex”: You don’t go on a date, you don’t have a relationship, no money changes hands. Just lots of oral sex in 3D.
  • “Gratuitous Zombie Killing”: Developers have come close, but what I want is to just stand on a street corner and kill zombies as they walk by – maybe I would have a pick-up truck full of guns and ammo. But no running around, no driving, no going to the mall – the zombies just walk up and you kill them.
  • “Gratuitous World War Two”: Just mix-up all the German and Japanese soldiers on some generic terrain and march ’em my way.
  • “GratuitousSim”: A game that simulates nothing. Maybe someone just sitting in a room being very, very quiet and still.
  • “Gratuitous Fish Tank”: Just feed the fish. You don’t clean the tank, and you can’t even tap the glass. Fish show up, swim for a while until they die and float belly-up, then are replaced by new fish. And no matter how little you feed them the fish always eat too much and die.
  • “Gratuitous Salmonella Turtles”: Kind of like “Gratuitous Fish Tank”, except with turtles that are infected with salmonella. You can touch them if you want, but if you do you know you’ll probably die.
  • “Gratuitous Street Fighters”: You fight others for seemingly no reason at all. Actually I guess this is how street fighter games work, isn’t it.
  • “Gratuitous Monkey Killing”: Lots of monkeys, lots of guns, one banana.
  • “Gratuitous Car Racing”: The game starts in the middle of a race on a oval track. That’s it. You just drive around the track forever or until you shut it down. The race never ends.
  • “Gratuitous Pirate Game”: You’re a pirate because you like being a pirate. See “Gratuitous Street Fighter” above.
  • “Gratuitous Tetris”: No score, no winning. Just keep smoking weed and fitting the little puzzle pieces together.
  • “Gratuitous Pong”: You’re the only player. There’s only one paddle. It’s dull but it’s over quickly.
  • “Gratuitous Movie Tie-In”: A generic game that could be about anything happening anywhere to anyone, with the title of a current hit movie on the box.