Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad adressed the United Nations today, where several countries walked-out as he berated Western nations, Israel, and capitalism. He suggested the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks in the United States were the work of the U.S. government. He said he knew this because his beard is a super-sensitive antenna that can pick-up CIA radio transmissions.
Ahmadinejad also denied that he had been in the apartment of the Nicaraguan consul when he was murdered the previous evening – even though the body of the diplomat had not as yet been discovered. After an aide whispered to Ahmadinejad he backtracked on this statement: “Well, IF the Nicaraguan Consul was murdered last night by having his throat cut with a Wilkinson tempered steel razor blade, while he was wearing a flimsy silk negligee and holding a dozen roses with a card that said ‘From Mahmoud with love’, THEN I was nowhere near the place”.
Here’s a story on CNN that tells of U.S. plans to pay Taliban fighters to switch to the Afghan government’s side. They call it the “Taliban reintegration provision”. The Taliban are calling it “let’s use the money to buy weapons to kill Americans with” – a sort-of welfare program. The way it works is, a Taliban fighter surrenders his jammed AK-47 with no ammo in the clip, gets a bag full of cash, then goes to downtown Kabul and buys a new rocket-propelled grenade launcher, a ten pound block of plastic explosive, some fuses, and a couple of cell phones. Then he just sort of wanders-off into the mountains. Meanwhile we have his signed pledge not to be a Taliban soldier anymore – so we’re covered, legally.