Is Your Mind Interesting Enough To Read?

First, here’s a story about recording every minute of your life and putting it online. And here’s one about new technology that can select images you have seen from a database just by using an MRI scan.

Now, I don’t want to seem as if I am complaining or anything, but there is some stuff I just don’t want technology to do, and these are two of them. First, can you imagine what a complete visual and audio history of your life would be like? Every trip to the bathroom, every dentist appointment, every hangover, every bad date, every rejection, disappointment, losing bet, pointless meeting, tax return, visit with your relatives, etc. All right there at your fingertips to be re-lived. Most of life is waiting, digesting, farting, eating microwaved junk, and wishing you were somewhere else. I really want that crap up there in the “cloud” somewhere. It would be the real-life equivalent of having “The Complete Gilligan’s Island” on DVD: what is the point?

Okay, now on to mind reading. What’s wrong with this? Two words: The Government. Two more words: Your Employer. Five additional words: Everyone Who Is Not You. Like it isn’t bad enough these people want to sniff your urine to find out what kind of week-end you had. Definition of stupid: Trusting other people with the ability to read your mind.

You know the kind of stuff you think all day:

• “My ass itches”
• “I wish my boss would get a disease”
• “I wish my boss would strip naked and jump up on my desk”
• “Damn government has their head up everyone else’s butt”
• “If no one was looking, I would totally steal that”
• “Hopefully no one will find out I made up all the numbers in that report”
• “Nice tits”
• “Really nice tits”
• “If my mother-in-law’s ass was any bigger it would have its own ZIP code”
• “Can they tell I’m into S&M?”
• “Last week-end I snuck into the wrong side of the confessional and tape recorded my math teacher confessing to having sex with my gym teacher”
• “I really want to get my nipples pierced, but I don’t have the money”
• “I’m not worthy”
• “You all aren’t worthy”

Yeah – having that stuff filed down in Human Resources will be a major plus, career-wise.

Look, it’s okay for science to cure diseases, invent new sex toys, and study the mating habits of tree sloths, or whatever. But stay the hell out of my mind! I can hardly stand being in there myself, and I sure don’t want any company.